I have budding "musicians" in the house. Just the other day, we had our first real jam session. Jocelyn was over-blowing a recorder. Michael was strumming a badly tuned guitar. William had made a drum kit out of some kitchen utensils and metal garbage cans.
It took some time for a band style to develop because these musicians all have very different inspirations. Jocelyn was imitating her big brother, who likes to be as loud as possible and doesn't care much about rhythm or melody. Michael has learned to play from a folk guitarist who plays children's music at a playgroup they attend. William's technique comes primarily from watching a YouTube video of a drum cover of the Black Eyed Peas' "I Got a Feeling."
So, the jam session started with a recorder fanfare from Jocelyn, "Old MacDonald Has a Farm" from Michael with lyrics and strumming, and a drum riff and shouts of "Good Night. Good Night. Good Night," from William.
With a little coaching, I managed to get Jocelyn to blow a little more softly into the recorder. In the meantime, William had started listening to Michael. The intensity of his drumming didn't change, but, over time, he chose to match his brother's lyrics. And, we had a rocked-up, out-of-tune "Old MacDonald" filling the house.
I need to invest in some good earplugs. With this cacophony as the beginning of music education in my house, it is going to be a long road. But, if the end result is people who enjoy making music, it will be a road worth walking.
Monday, November 16, 2009
The Joy Diet: Laughter
This week of "The Joy Diet", Martha Beck instructs us to laugh at least 30 times a day.
I must confess that I haven't been counting my laughs. Although, I do think counting my laughs with a manual counter might increase my laughs. Instead, I have been focusing on finding the laughs that I have been missing.
As I mentioned last week, motherhood has brought my serious persona to the fore. And, three 2-year olds in the house is enough to make anybody crazy if they take it too seriously. I have been letting the chaos get to me.
2-year olds are silly beasts. They don't know enough to follow conventions, they do what comes into their heads without regard to what society views as right or normal. Some of what they do is dangerous and really needs to be shut down. Some of what they do is funny the first time, but sure to be annoying the 95th time, so a moderated response is required. But, a lot of what they do is just silly.
My life is busy and my list of "should do"s is long. Too often, when one or more of the kids is up to something that is just funny, I don't take the time to enjoy it because I am too worried about getting something done.
My challenge to myself this week has been to take the time to notice the silly things and enjoy them. And, most importantly, to let the laugh out - choosing the laughter over the impatience. I don't know if this is getting me to my 30 laughs a day, but I have noticed a few things.
I used to notice the absurd in everything. It is harder to do now that my responsibilites are greater, but it is more important than ever.
I must confess that I haven't been counting my laughs. Although, I do think counting my laughs with a manual counter might increase my laughs. Instead, I have been focusing on finding the laughs that I have been missing.
As I mentioned last week, motherhood has brought my serious persona to the fore. And, three 2-year olds in the house is enough to make anybody crazy if they take it too seriously. I have been letting the chaos get to me.
2-year olds are silly beasts. They don't know enough to follow conventions, they do what comes into their heads without regard to what society views as right or normal. Some of what they do is dangerous and really needs to be shut down. Some of what they do is funny the first time, but sure to be annoying the 95th time, so a moderated response is required. But, a lot of what they do is just silly.
My life is busy and my list of "should do"s is long. Too often, when one or more of the kids is up to something that is just funny, I don't take the time to enjoy it because I am too worried about getting something done.
My challenge to myself this week has been to take the time to notice the silly things and enjoy them. And, most importantly, to let the laugh out - choosing the laughter over the impatience. I don't know if this is getting me to my 30 laughs a day, but I have noticed a few things.
- I enjoy the kids more.
- The chores don't get done quite so quickly, but I don't mind them so much.
- I remember the silly things more than the "developmental milestones" or annoying things when I am reporting a few of the day's events to my husband, so I get to relive the silliness.
- It doesn't take more than a moment to let the laugh out.
- The kids seem to enjoy it when I laugh.
I used to notice the absurd in everything. It is harder to do now that my responsibilites are greater, but it is more important than ever.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
The Joy Diet: Play
Oh boy, this has been a rough week.
Play shouldn't be so tough for me. I am an InterPlay leader. I spent years dressing up in costume to attend Rennaisance Faires. I spent my college years playing Vampire Tag. I have a lot of experience with play beyond my childhood years. I have even taught a seminary class that included finger painting.
But, the truth is that play challenges me to my core. In one of his workshops, Phil Porter, one of the founders of InterPlay and one of my heroes, said that InterPlay often appeals to recovering serious people. And, in my case, it is absolutely true.
I follow the rules; I get things right; I do what I am supposed to do. InterPlay has forms, instructions for movement. One of the basic forms, which I learned right at the beginning of my first class is "Walk, Stop, Run." The basic form is very simple. You Walk around the space. Then, when you feel like it, you Stop. And then, if you are feeling brave, you Run around the space. Finally, you are invited to play with Walking, Stopping, and Running. And then, Serious People get nervous.
You see, what happens then is that experienced InterPlayers take the instruction to play and jump with it, spin with it, run with it, lie on the floor with it, pick up a playmate with it, lean on a friend with it, and do an awful lot of things that don't look or feel anything like walking, stopping, or running. Somewhere in the midst of what felt like chaos, I realized that the teacher wasn't enforcing the "Rules" and that following the rules wasn't making me happy. What made me happy was sometimes to lean against the wall and watch or skip or gallop or spin or make a train or hold hands or lie on the floor - not just to walk or stop or run. And, now, I am one of those experienced InterPlayers that make Serious People nervous.
But, I am a well-conditioned Serious Person, so my Serious Persona takes over under stress. Motherhood has thrown me for a massive loop on the play front. There is so much to do that has to be done for all these little people who cannot yet do for themselves. My serious self has reared it's ugly head with a vengeance and has been forcing my playful self into hiding. I have been operating from the delusion that just because parenting is important, it must be serious.
So, this week, I used an InterPlay trick of thinking about something, in this case my desire to be more playful with my parenting and householding responsibilities, and then throwing it up into the air with a "wheeee" and I just let it float around up there for the week to see what happened. It has helped me find more ease. Not enough, but a beginning.
Maybe this approach will help me with NaNoWriMo 2009. NaNoWriMo is a novel writing challenge: start a novel and write 50,000 words of it during November. Last year, I really thought it was a massive but doable challenge if I turned my inner editor off and let myself write drivel. I wrote more than my 50,000 words and it felt great. This year, because I know that I can write 50,000 words, I have set my self-expectations higher and this is causing a degree of writer's block. I need to give myself permission to write another 50,000 words of drivel.
All in all, the week has been a reminder of how much we need play in our lives. In my case, and maybe in yours, we need it most when we think we can least afford it.
Play shouldn't be so tough for me. I am an InterPlay leader. I spent years dressing up in costume to attend Rennaisance Faires. I spent my college years playing Vampire Tag. I have a lot of experience with play beyond my childhood years. I have even taught a seminary class that included finger painting.
But, the truth is that play challenges me to my core. In one of his workshops, Phil Porter, one of the founders of InterPlay and one of my heroes, said that InterPlay often appeals to recovering serious people. And, in my case, it is absolutely true.
I follow the rules; I get things right; I do what I am supposed to do. InterPlay has forms, instructions for movement. One of the basic forms, which I learned right at the beginning of my first class is "Walk, Stop, Run." The basic form is very simple. You Walk around the space. Then, when you feel like it, you Stop. And then, if you are feeling brave, you Run around the space. Finally, you are invited to play with Walking, Stopping, and Running. And then, Serious People get nervous.
You see, what happens then is that experienced InterPlayers take the instruction to play and jump with it, spin with it, run with it, lie on the floor with it, pick up a playmate with it, lean on a friend with it, and do an awful lot of things that don't look or feel anything like walking, stopping, or running. Somewhere in the midst of what felt like chaos, I realized that the teacher wasn't enforcing the "Rules" and that following the rules wasn't making me happy. What made me happy was sometimes to lean against the wall and watch or skip or gallop or spin or make a train or hold hands or lie on the floor - not just to walk or stop or run. And, now, I am one of those experienced InterPlayers that make Serious People nervous.
But, I am a well-conditioned Serious Person, so my Serious Persona takes over under stress. Motherhood has thrown me for a massive loop on the play front. There is so much to do that has to be done for all these little people who cannot yet do for themselves. My serious self has reared it's ugly head with a vengeance and has been forcing my playful self into hiding. I have been operating from the delusion that just because parenting is important, it must be serious.
So, this week, I used an InterPlay trick of thinking about something, in this case my desire to be more playful with my parenting and householding responsibilities, and then throwing it up into the air with a "wheeee" and I just let it float around up there for the week to see what happened. It has helped me find more ease. Not enough, but a beginning.
- I have been playing at looking like I have it together. I went shopping for new clothes and bought tailored clothes which make me feel less frumpy. And, I have been putting on make-up before taking the kids to pre-school. I like looking like I have it together even when I feel overwhelmed.
- I skipped ahead mentally in the book to the chapter on Laughter and started trying to increase the number of laughs I got out of each day - which often involved getting more laughs out of my children; their laughter is infectious. And yes, folks, skipping ahead is hard for rule-followers like myself, so it counts as play all by itself.
- The kids love spray bottles. My kitchen floor always needs a good wash. If I don't care that the walls, table and windows get washed too and that spots get missed, there is a silly way to get my kitchen floor mostly cleaned and my kids entertained at the same time staring me in the face.
Maybe this approach will help me with NaNoWriMo 2009. NaNoWriMo is a novel writing challenge: start a novel and write 50,000 words of it during November. Last year, I really thought it was a massive but doable challenge if I turned my inner editor off and let myself write drivel. I wrote more than my 50,000 words and it felt great. This year, because I know that I can write 50,000 words, I have set my self-expectations higher and this is causing a degree of writer's block. I need to give myself permission to write another 50,000 words of drivel.
All in all, the week has been a reminder of how much we need play in our lives. In my case, and maybe in yours, we need it most when we think we can least afford it.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Joy Diet: Treats
This week's ingredient is to add at least 3 treats a day: one after your risk for the day and two just because. Martha Beck's definition of a treat is something that makes you feel like smiling. For me, this idea, lead me back to my InterPlay training.
In InterPlay, there is a concept called the Physicality of Grace. In English, there is not a good, common word for what we feel when we feel the opposite of stress. There are some that come close, but nothing that really captures it. In InterPlay, we use the Physicality of Grace to refer to how our bodies feel when we feel the opposite of stressed. Sometimes, it is easier to understand if you start by noticing how your body feels under stress. Then, when you think about the opposite of stress, you can feel how your body feels and call that feeling the physicality of grace. Once you notice the things that make you feel the physicality of grace, you can choose to increase them in your life. For me, this week, I tried to find treats that really gave me a full body experience of grace, not just made me feel like smiling.
My primary treat all week has been to use the super-minimalist version of the InterPlay seated warm-up every time I remember it - and to teach it to my kids because it is more fun in a group. Here are the instructions:
For a good summary of InterPlay, check out Grethen Wegner on InterPlay.
I have noticed things that make me smile and chosen them this week. The things that make us smile are unique. Nobody else will smile at exactly the same things I smile at. Our bodies are all different. Our brains are all different. We perceive and interact with the world differently. We all need to discover for ourselves what makes us smile.
For me, this week, the list of treats has included:
There is a richness to life when I choose these little treats. My overall life may be exactly the same, with the same frustrations and limitations, but the joy despite the frustrations makes it all seem less oppressive. I'll be choosing those treats more often.
How about you? How will you treat yourself?
In InterPlay, there is a concept called the Physicality of Grace. In English, there is not a good, common word for what we feel when we feel the opposite of stress. There are some that come close, but nothing that really captures it. In InterPlay, we use the Physicality of Grace to refer to how our bodies feel when we feel the opposite of stressed. Sometimes, it is easier to understand if you start by noticing how your body feels under stress. Then, when you think about the opposite of stress, you can feel how your body feels and call that feeling the physicality of grace. Once you notice the things that make you feel the physicality of grace, you can choose to increase them in your life. For me, this week, I tried to find treats that really gave me a full body experience of grace, not just made me feel like smiling.
My primary treat all week has been to use the super-minimalist version of the InterPlay seated warm-up every time I remember it - and to teach it to my kids because it is more fun in a group. Here are the instructions:
- Take a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. Repeat. Again. And once more if it would feel good.
- Shake out a hand.
- Shake out the other hand.
- Shake out a leg.
- Shake out the other leg.
- Shake out whatever you are sitting on. (Shake out your whole body if you are standing).
For a good summary of InterPlay, check out Grethen Wegner on InterPlay.
I have noticed things that make me smile and chosen them this week. The things that make us smile are unique. Nobody else will smile at exactly the same things I smile at. Our bodies are all different. Our brains are all different. We perceive and interact with the world differently. We all need to discover for ourselves what makes us smile.
For me, this week, the list of treats has included:
- driving through hills looking at the fall leaves.
- chai
- licorice tea
- wrestling with the kids
- reading about the history of Islamic achievements in art and science.
- fake hip-hop dancing in my living room
- the smell of freshly baked bread
- walking in the wind
- long baths with eucalyptus epsom salts
- white wine and sweet potato fries
- the warmth in my hand of a particular cup when the tea is still almost at boiling temperature.
- listening to music that I love but haven't heard for ages
There is a richness to life when I choose these little treats. My overall life may be exactly the same, with the same frustrations and limitations, but the joy despite the frustrations makes it all seem less oppressive. I'll be choosing those treats more often.
How about you? How will you treat yourself?
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Joy Diet: Risk
This week's daily task was to take a step towards our true desires that felt risky. This is the chapter I have been waiting for. I am chronically risk-averse and need nudging and support to keep taking the steps that feel risky to me. Martha Beck instructs us to take the smallest step that feels risky that moves us towards our desires. The hope is that these baby steps will stretch our comfort zones without overwhelming us. It is advice that resonates deeply with me; advice that I know in my mind and forget to practice in my body.
As I worked with Risk this week, I realized that I have difficulty asking for help and I have grandiose dreams that I fail to make progress towards because I don't break the process into small enough chunks. This "smallest step that feels risky" is really useful for me. Each time I think of a risk, I should be asking myself if there is something smaller that still feels risky that I should be doing instead. When I am unable to think of a smaller step that feels risky, the risk feels more manageable.
Some of my dreams seem so big that simply taking a concrete step towards them feels dangerous. I have been surprised at how risky it feels to get information to further a project I am passionate about. Simply moving forward at all is unnerving. It is as though the smallest step confirms that I have chosen to walk this scary path towards a dream that I will be devastated to see fail. And yet, being paralyzed by my fear has not made me feel good about my life - so maybe, just maybe, it is time to face the fear and act anyway.
Many of my desires this week have been very simple. I have been sick, so I have had many desires about resting to recover. As the stay-at-home mother of 4 small children, I have to work really hard to get rest for myself. This week, I desperately needed more sleep than I can get while continuing to maintain all of my chores and responsibilities at the house. My husband works incredibly hard at a stressful job and it feels like a huge imposition to ask him to take time off work to watch the kids when I need a sick day - even if he works from home during some of the time he is in charge. Nevertheless, this week, on the day I felt worst, I asked him to take some time off. Speaking up and sharing my need felt very vulnerable. At the same time, it felt strong to acknowledge that I really needed somebody to take care of me.
I have also taken some risks with some of my friends by being honest about some of the parenting challenges that I am facing right now - particularly one that makes me question my own abilities as a parent. By exposing myself, I opened the door to deeper intimacy and more honest conversation from both sides, thereby improving my friendships while getting the sense of perspective I desperately needed.
And, I have taken a few risks that involve working with the vague professional dreams I have to turn them into practical adventures. These are the truly scary things for me and the ones I need the most nudging to accomplish. I am hoping that a few small steps will turn into momentum.
I can tell from my experience this week that a daily practice of risk has the potential to take me down amazing paths. It is also clear that I will need the Treats, Laughter, Play, Connection, and Feasting of the rest of the book to support me through the Risks.
As I worked with Risk this week, I realized that I have difficulty asking for help and I have grandiose dreams that I fail to make progress towards because I don't break the process into small enough chunks. This "smallest step that feels risky" is really useful for me. Each time I think of a risk, I should be asking myself if there is something smaller that still feels risky that I should be doing instead. When I am unable to think of a smaller step that feels risky, the risk feels more manageable.
Some of my dreams seem so big that simply taking a concrete step towards them feels dangerous. I have been surprised at how risky it feels to get information to further a project I am passionate about. Simply moving forward at all is unnerving. It is as though the smallest step confirms that I have chosen to walk this scary path towards a dream that I will be devastated to see fail. And yet, being paralyzed by my fear has not made me feel good about my life - so maybe, just maybe, it is time to face the fear and act anyway.
Many of my desires this week have been very simple. I have been sick, so I have had many desires about resting to recover. As the stay-at-home mother of 4 small children, I have to work really hard to get rest for myself. This week, I desperately needed more sleep than I can get while continuing to maintain all of my chores and responsibilities at the house. My husband works incredibly hard at a stressful job and it feels like a huge imposition to ask him to take time off work to watch the kids when I need a sick day - even if he works from home during some of the time he is in charge. Nevertheless, this week, on the day I felt worst, I asked him to take some time off. Speaking up and sharing my need felt very vulnerable. At the same time, it felt strong to acknowledge that I really needed somebody to take care of me.
I have also taken some risks with some of my friends by being honest about some of the parenting challenges that I am facing right now - particularly one that makes me question my own abilities as a parent. By exposing myself, I opened the door to deeper intimacy and more honest conversation from both sides, thereby improving my friendships while getting the sense of perspective I desperately needed.
And, I have taken a few risks that involve working with the vague professional dreams I have to turn them into practical adventures. These are the truly scary things for me and the ones I need the most nudging to accomplish. I am hoping that a few small steps will turn into momentum.
I can tell from my experience this week that a daily practice of risk has the potential to take me down amazing paths. It is also clear that I will need the Treats, Laughter, Play, Connection, and Feasting of the rest of the book to support me through the Risks.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The Joy Diet: Creativity
The task this week: Every day, conceptualize and write down at least one new, concrete idea that will help you obtain something your heart desires.
This was my hardest week so far, simply because I wasn't committed to making the time for my "Nothing" practice and missed several days of that practice. Because I know that I can be deluded by surface desires if I don't get the meditative time in, I chose not to focus on deep desires on the days that I didn't meditate. Instead, I chose to act on a small desire: drinking a particular flavor of tea, dancing in the kitchen, playing with the kids when I "should" have been cleaning. I know from experience that honouring those small desires makes it easier to sit with the bigger ones, so I trusted that I was getting something out of the process, while realizing that I wasn't quite doing the assignment.
On the days that I did make time for doing Nothing, I did write down ideas about things I could do to obtain the most important desire of the day. Doing this, I realized a few things.
This was my hardest week so far, simply because I wasn't committed to making the time for my "Nothing" practice and missed several days of that practice. Because I know that I can be deluded by surface desires if I don't get the meditative time in, I chose not to focus on deep desires on the days that I didn't meditate. Instead, I chose to act on a small desire: drinking a particular flavor of tea, dancing in the kitchen, playing with the kids when I "should" have been cleaning. I know from experience that honouring those small desires makes it easier to sit with the bigger ones, so I trusted that I was getting something out of the process, while realizing that I wasn't quite doing the assignment.
On the days that I did make time for doing Nothing, I did write down ideas about things I could do to obtain the most important desire of the day. Doing this, I realized a few things.
- I know the sensible things to do to pursue most of my desires. My block is in actually taking action, not knowing what I should be doing.
- I tend to think very sensibly about tasks. Beck has some ideas of ways to get beyond the obvious and rational actions - and I should probably experiment with those more.
- I have made a lot of to do lists of things I could do to pursue my desires in the past, but I haven't always been sure they were my true heart desires.
- Don't rush to an action plan until you know where you want to go.
- Keep to the path. Next week is Risk, and I bet we'll be looking at some of the things that have stopped me taking action in the past. I certainly hope so. It would be good to move past this place of coming up with actions I could take and to push into taking them.
Friday, October 9, 2009
The Joy Diet: Desire
Menu Item 3 on the Joy Diet is Desire. And, by "desire", Martha Beck means what your heart really wants. Her theory is that if you honour your deepest desires, you will be on the path to an authentic, joyful life. In this chapter, she has some techniques for distinguishing the things you think you want from the things you truly desire. Part of the trick is asking yourself what you want after you have rested in nothing and then, being honest with yourself, asking "what do I want?" See how menu items 1 and 2 are still in the picture. The other part of the trick is some follow-up questions once you have reached that point.
I was not surprised to discover that I am not in touch with my deep desires at the moment. Most of my current desires have to do with finding time and space to really deepen my meditations and listen for the wisdom of my body about how to move forward into satisfying my own needs. However, I did have one real "aha" moment that I have no doubt will prove to be useful.
When I met Steve Jobs as a child, he was my hero. He had just started NeXT and gave me a t-shirt that he signed with the message "Let's go change the world." And, I always felt that was my goal, but I have never known what kind of change ws meaningful to me, so I never knew where best to put my efforts. At the same time, I have always wanted to be famous, but I never had a sense of what kind of fame for what kind of thing would really feel like I had made it. I had an insight that combined both of those impulses into a new one. I'm sure it is still a beginning image and that it will change as I listen for my desires, so I am not going to share it openly here. I have a history of committing to shallow desires and running headlong into worlds that were not what I would have chosen if I had sat still and listened more deeply before taking active steps. I want not to do that this time.
Next week, The Joy Diet starts the process of moving forward more actively by calling us towards using our creativity in service of our desires. So, I am trusting the process and chosing to slow things down and spend more time with the baby steps of discovery rather than leaping recklessly.
I was not surprised to discover that I am not in touch with my deep desires at the moment. Most of my current desires have to do with finding time and space to really deepen my meditations and listen for the wisdom of my body about how to move forward into satisfying my own needs. However, I did have one real "aha" moment that I have no doubt will prove to be useful.
When I met Steve Jobs as a child, he was my hero. He had just started NeXT and gave me a t-shirt that he signed with the message "Let's go change the world." And, I always felt that was my goal, but I have never known what kind of change ws meaningful to me, so I never knew where best to put my efforts. At the same time, I have always wanted to be famous, but I never had a sense of what kind of fame for what kind of thing would really feel like I had made it. I had an insight that combined both of those impulses into a new one. I'm sure it is still a beginning image and that it will change as I listen for my desires, so I am not going to share it openly here. I have a history of committing to shallow desires and running headlong into worlds that were not what I would have chosen if I had sat still and listened more deeply before taking active steps. I want not to do that this time.
Next week, The Joy Diet starts the process of moving forward more actively by calling us towards using our creativity in service of our desires. So, I am trusting the process and chosing to slow things down and spend more time with the baby steps of discovery rather than leaping recklessly.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Thanksgiving
3 years after moving north from the United States, I still haven't got the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday into my system.
When I was 17, I travelled in Europe with a friend of mine. While we were staying in England, she commented that she had expected to experience culture shock in France and Italy, but hadn't expected England to be so different. I feel similarly about Thanksgiving in Canada. It is similar enough to Thanksgiving in the US that I expect it to feel similar and different enough that it throws me for a loop every year.
The obvious difference between the two holidays is the date. By celebrating Thanksgiving in early October, the whole schedule changes. In the US, I was usually caught off-guard by Halloween -- which I thought of as the warning that I should prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas. With Thanksgiving before Halloween, there is no early warning system. Thanksgiving arrives with a jolt before the new school year schedules have solidified into habitual routines.
But, there are subtler differences that disconcert me more than the simple date change. The whole holiday feels different. The weather is different, warmer. The days are shorter. It just seems to be the wrong season for Thanksgiving. I had a similar sensation during my first few years in California. The days were too warm in November for my body to believe it was really Thanksgiving. Now, I am back in the climate where I first grew to know Thanksgiving as a holiday, but the days still feel too warm because it is October instead of November. And, the extra daylight is also confusing.
In addition, Thanksgiving is a smaller holiday in Canada. It is a one-day holiday instead of a two-day holiday -- and a different day of the week to boot. In the US, Thanksgiving is the one truly national holiday. Everybody celebrates it. Because it is a 4-day weekend, people are willing to travel longer distances than they would for a 3-day weekend. Everybody celebrates on Thursday -- whether they feast in the afternoon or evening. Because Thanksgiving in Canada is a Monday and people work on the Tuesday, evening feast meals are often held over the preceding weekend rather than on the day itself - so not everybody feasts on the same day.
There is not the deluge of advertising around the holiday. Partially, this is because Canadian holidays do not have the retail focus of American holidays. But, this is also affected by the date of the celebration. By the end of November, Christmas is looming. In October, there is still Halloween to come. Shopping is not yet focused on the end of year spree.
Put all those things together and the harvest festivals with the same name in the two countries feel completely different in my body. I expect that it will take a few years for me to become comfortable with this new Canadian festival. I may even come to prefer it. But, for right now, it is still unsettling.
This year, however, I am hugely thankful that we will be celebrating with extended family. My parents are taking advantage of the American Columbus Day holiday to visit us and celebrate Thanksgiving, Canadian-style.
When I was 17, I travelled in Europe with a friend of mine. While we were staying in England, she commented that she had expected to experience culture shock in France and Italy, but hadn't expected England to be so different. I feel similarly about Thanksgiving in Canada. It is similar enough to Thanksgiving in the US that I expect it to feel similar and different enough that it throws me for a loop every year.
The obvious difference between the two holidays is the date. By celebrating Thanksgiving in early October, the whole schedule changes. In the US, I was usually caught off-guard by Halloween -- which I thought of as the warning that I should prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas. With Thanksgiving before Halloween, there is no early warning system. Thanksgiving arrives with a jolt before the new school year schedules have solidified into habitual routines.
But, there are subtler differences that disconcert me more than the simple date change. The whole holiday feels different. The weather is different, warmer. The days are shorter. It just seems to be the wrong season for Thanksgiving. I had a similar sensation during my first few years in California. The days were too warm in November for my body to believe it was really Thanksgiving. Now, I am back in the climate where I first grew to know Thanksgiving as a holiday, but the days still feel too warm because it is October instead of November. And, the extra daylight is also confusing.
In addition, Thanksgiving is a smaller holiday in Canada. It is a one-day holiday instead of a two-day holiday -- and a different day of the week to boot. In the US, Thanksgiving is the one truly national holiday. Everybody celebrates it. Because it is a 4-day weekend, people are willing to travel longer distances than they would for a 3-day weekend. Everybody celebrates on Thursday -- whether they feast in the afternoon or evening. Because Thanksgiving in Canada is a Monday and people work on the Tuesday, evening feast meals are often held over the preceding weekend rather than on the day itself - so not everybody feasts on the same day.
There is not the deluge of advertising around the holiday. Partially, this is because Canadian holidays do not have the retail focus of American holidays. But, this is also affected by the date of the celebration. By the end of November, Christmas is looming. In October, there is still Halloween to come. Shopping is not yet focused on the end of year spree.
Put all those things together and the harvest festivals with the same name in the two countries feel completely different in my body. I expect that it will take a few years for me to become comfortable with this new Canadian festival. I may even come to prefer it. But, for right now, it is still unsettling.
This year, however, I am hugely thankful that we will be celebrating with extended family. My parents are taking advantage of the American Columbus Day holiday to visit us and celebrate Thanksgiving, Canadian-style.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Street Hockey Beginnings
We live in hockey country.
Three of the kids on our block play very serious competitive hockey. Spring and fall find games of hockey in the street. Although the main players are the kids who live on the street, there are often fathers who join in.
Andy and I are not particularly sports-minded. Our hobbies are creative and artistic. Our physical exercise tends to be solitary activities (biking, mountain climbing, yoga, working out at the gym, dancing) rather than competitive team sports. We haven't enrolled Patrick in many sports activities as he finds them challenging and we have been unable to find teams where he would be rewarded for trying hard. We are being dragged into sports by our two youngest boys. William in particular has natural athletic ability, and picks things up just by watching other children. Michael enjoys ball games, but they don't come quite so easily to him.
Last weekend, one of our neighbors invited William, Michael and Jocelyn to borrow mini hockey sticks and balls and hit the balls around in their driveway. To say that it was a huge hit might be an understatement. They didn't want to return the borrowed equipment.
The following day, Andy and Patrick bought mini hockey sticks for everybody. We got the four kids out on our driveway with sticks and balls and our mini soccer goal. Two other kids joined in. There was no organization beyond a vague encouragement for Patrick to actually practice shooting on goal and a safety patrol of adults collecting balls that rolled into the street.
It was a swirl of balls and children accompanied by squeals of glee.
Since then, the weather has included a lot of rain and there has not been another opportunity to get out and play. William, in particular, is very upset about this and has been asking to go out and play hockey several times a day.
We'll have to see what the fall weather is like, to see how much we get out on the street. But, there is no question that we will be joining the crowds on the street playing hockey in the spring.
The spirit of Hockey has infiltrated our lives.
Three of the kids on our block play very serious competitive hockey. Spring and fall find games of hockey in the street. Although the main players are the kids who live on the street, there are often fathers who join in.
Andy and I are not particularly sports-minded. Our hobbies are creative and artistic. Our physical exercise tends to be solitary activities (biking, mountain climbing, yoga, working out at the gym, dancing) rather than competitive team sports. We haven't enrolled Patrick in many sports activities as he finds them challenging and we have been unable to find teams where he would be rewarded for trying hard. We are being dragged into sports by our two youngest boys. William in particular has natural athletic ability, and picks things up just by watching other children. Michael enjoys ball games, but they don't come quite so easily to him.
Last weekend, one of our neighbors invited William, Michael and Jocelyn to borrow mini hockey sticks and balls and hit the balls around in their driveway. To say that it was a huge hit might be an understatement. They didn't want to return the borrowed equipment.
The following day, Andy and Patrick bought mini hockey sticks for everybody. We got the four kids out on our driveway with sticks and balls and our mini soccer goal. Two other kids joined in. There was no organization beyond a vague encouragement for Patrick to actually practice shooting on goal and a safety patrol of adults collecting balls that rolled into the street.
It was a swirl of balls and children accompanied by squeals of glee.
Since then, the weather has included a lot of rain and there has not been another opportunity to get out and play. William, in particular, is very upset about this and has been asking to go out and play hockey several times a day.
We'll have to see what the fall weather is like, to see how much we get out on the street. But, there is no question that we will be joining the crowds on the street playing hockey in the spring.
The spirit of Hockey has infiltrated our lives.
The Joy Diet: Truth
Menu Item #2 in the Joy Diet is Truth. The assignment is to tell ourselves the truth about our experience at least once a day - in the context of having found the place of stillness through the practice of Nothing. That sounds fancy, but it is simple. And, like so many simple things, it can be very hard.
When Beck talks about Truth, she is not talking about philosophical Truth. She is talking about the reality of our moments of experience: What am I feeling now; I want this; This makes me angry; This is what is happening to me in this moment. Her theory is that denying the reality of these truths disrupts our ability to experience joy.
The practice is to settle into meditation - or whatever form our practice of Nothing takes. Then, we are to ask ourselves "What hurts?" Once we have identified a source of pain (physical or emotional), we are to ask ourselves whether what hurts is a real thing or a story we are telling ourselves. If it is a story that we are telling ourselves, then we are urged to question the story and see if we can turn the story around and make one that serves to bring joy and peace rather than pain.
This week has been very challenging for me. I have resisted sitting for my 15 minutes of Nothing. When I have investigated why I have been resisting stilling my mind and body enough to see these truths, the reason has been obvious. I am afraid of what will come up. I have not been experiencing more joy this week. Rather, I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety. When I explore the anxiety, I discover it is another face of fear.
Three years ago, I was grieving for the family of four that I had always wanted. I had a wonderful son, but had been unable to give him the sibling that I had always envisioned. After a series of miscarriages and testing that failed to identify a cause, I was giving up. My husband and I had chosen to move to a new country. I was giving away or selling all the baby things that I had saved to use with a second child. I was cleansing myself of my previously envisioned world for a new start in a new place with a complete family of three. But, I never had a chance to finish that grieving process and start that new life. In the middle of the of the move, I got pregnant again - with triplets - and I was carrying the pregnancy successfully.
I have done a good job of dealing with the logistics of this new life, but I have not taken the time to process more than the most basic of emotional realities. And, in order to keep myself going, I have not let myself feel the inconvenient emotions and think the inconvenient thoughts any more than absolutely necessary. So, buried somewhere in my body are a series of thoughts that I have not allowed myself to be aware of - thoughts that are poisoning my existence. And, I am scared to open myself up and see what lies underneath. And yet, I believe that these blocked thoughts are preventing me from enjoying the moments of joy in my life fully.
Even as I write this, I find myself questioning how much I am willing to say in a public forum. I find myself writing and then deleting some of the specifics of my experience. I know that it would make my writing more powerful if I were to speak these truths, but it is too frightening to put the words out into public. But, the practices of this week mean that I have allowed myself to think and feel more of my own truth than I did last week - and that is a good thing.
It is time for me to dance. The greatest tool in my arsenal for getting to the truths that need to be released but are hard to speak is InterPlay. InterPlay is a body-wisdom practice that uses fun and incremental practices to connect us to the wisdom of our bodies through paying attention to our own embodied experiences. Sitting with Nothing and actively thinking about Truth is scary for me and brings up anxiety. Playing and Dancing with InterPlay is a way for me to touch the same truths that Martha Beck is talking about in a less anxiety-producing form. They both lead to the same place - a place that this week has shown me I need to get back to: the Here and Now of my reality.
When Beck talks about Truth, she is not talking about philosophical Truth. She is talking about the reality of our moments of experience: What am I feeling now; I want this; This makes me angry; This is what is happening to me in this moment. Her theory is that denying the reality of these truths disrupts our ability to experience joy.
The practice is to settle into meditation - or whatever form our practice of Nothing takes. Then, we are to ask ourselves "What hurts?" Once we have identified a source of pain (physical or emotional), we are to ask ourselves whether what hurts is a real thing or a story we are telling ourselves. If it is a story that we are telling ourselves, then we are urged to question the story and see if we can turn the story around and make one that serves to bring joy and peace rather than pain.
This week has been very challenging for me. I have resisted sitting for my 15 minutes of Nothing. When I have investigated why I have been resisting stilling my mind and body enough to see these truths, the reason has been obvious. I am afraid of what will come up. I have not been experiencing more joy this week. Rather, I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety. When I explore the anxiety, I discover it is another face of fear.
Three years ago, I was grieving for the family of four that I had always wanted. I had a wonderful son, but had been unable to give him the sibling that I had always envisioned. After a series of miscarriages and testing that failed to identify a cause, I was giving up. My husband and I had chosen to move to a new country. I was giving away or selling all the baby things that I had saved to use with a second child. I was cleansing myself of my previously envisioned world for a new start in a new place with a complete family of three. But, I never had a chance to finish that grieving process and start that new life. In the middle of the of the move, I got pregnant again - with triplets - and I was carrying the pregnancy successfully.
I have done a good job of dealing with the logistics of this new life, but I have not taken the time to process more than the most basic of emotional realities. And, in order to keep myself going, I have not let myself feel the inconvenient emotions and think the inconvenient thoughts any more than absolutely necessary. So, buried somewhere in my body are a series of thoughts that I have not allowed myself to be aware of - thoughts that are poisoning my existence. And, I am scared to open myself up and see what lies underneath. And yet, I believe that these blocked thoughts are preventing me from enjoying the moments of joy in my life fully.
Even as I write this, I find myself questioning how much I am willing to say in a public forum. I find myself writing and then deleting some of the specifics of my experience. I know that it would make my writing more powerful if I were to speak these truths, but it is too frightening to put the words out into public. But, the practices of this week mean that I have allowed myself to think and feel more of my own truth than I did last week - and that is a good thing.
It is time for me to dance. The greatest tool in my arsenal for getting to the truths that need to be released but are hard to speak is InterPlay. InterPlay is a body-wisdom practice that uses fun and incremental practices to connect us to the wisdom of our bodies through paying attention to our own embodied experiences. Sitting with Nothing and actively thinking about Truth is scary for me and brings up anxiety. Playing and Dancing with InterPlay is a way for me to touch the same truths that Martha Beck is talking about in a less anxiety-producing form. They both lead to the same place - a place that this week has shown me I need to get back to: the Here and Now of my reality.
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Joy Diet: Nothing
The 10 ingredients in the The Joy Diet are intended to be added slowly and retained - this is a habit building exercise. Week one's new ingredient is Nothing. The instructions are to "do nothing for 15 minutes each day."
Wow. Nothing is hard for me to do. Simply making the 15 minutes to be unavailable is a challenge. It has to be a time when I do not need to be on call for the children - which really means never. So, rather than scheduling a time that I would definitely be unavailable, I have tried grabbing 15 minutes each time that I think I might actually be able to finish it. And, by the end of each day, I have managed to find a 15-minute block of time to do nothing.
Giving myself permission to let the chores slide for 15 minutes is usually hard for me. In the context of this experiment, however, it has been easy. I have been able to remind myself that I waste at least 15 minutes a day trying to de-stress and have been able to convince myself that it is probably better to actively "do nothing" for 15 minutes than to bumble around uselessly or vegetate in front of the tv for 30 minutes or an hour.
My experience this week has come as no surprise to me. About half-way through my "nothing" time, I have drifted into a hypnagogic state - that place between wakefulness and sleep where awareness becomes odd and dreamlike experiences invade a waking consciousness. When I meditate while sleep deprived, this is very common for me. Interestingly, I did not actually fall asleep during any of these sessions this week. I remained aware of these experiences and was able to separate myself from them at some level.
After each session, I felt more ease. The ease didn't last, but it was there for a brief period. And, every experience of ease helps.
I love doing nothing. It feeds my soul like no activity. I come out of my time with more calm, more focus, more ease. I know this. I have a history of building a meditation or yoga habit and then letting it slip. I am hoping that the fact that this is the base ingredient in this "diet" will help me rebuild a habit. Maybe I'll even keep it around longer this time.
Wow. Nothing is hard for me to do. Simply making the 15 minutes to be unavailable is a challenge. It has to be a time when I do not need to be on call for the children - which really means never. So, rather than scheduling a time that I would definitely be unavailable, I have tried grabbing 15 minutes each time that I think I might actually be able to finish it. And, by the end of each day, I have managed to find a 15-minute block of time to do nothing.
Giving myself permission to let the chores slide for 15 minutes is usually hard for me. In the context of this experiment, however, it has been easy. I have been able to remind myself that I waste at least 15 minutes a day trying to de-stress and have been able to convince myself that it is probably better to actively "do nothing" for 15 minutes than to bumble around uselessly or vegetate in front of the tv for 30 minutes or an hour.
My experience this week has come as no surprise to me. About half-way through my "nothing" time, I have drifted into a hypnagogic state - that place between wakefulness and sleep where awareness becomes odd and dreamlike experiences invade a waking consciousness. When I meditate while sleep deprived, this is very common for me. Interestingly, I did not actually fall asleep during any of these sessions this week. I remained aware of these experiences and was able to separate myself from them at some level.
After each session, I felt more ease. The ease didn't last, but it was there for a brief period. And, every experience of ease helps.
I love doing nothing. It feeds my soul like no activity. I come out of my time with more calm, more focus, more ease. I know this. I have a history of building a meditation or yoga habit and then letting it slip. I am hoping that the fact that this is the base ingredient in this "diet" will help me rebuild a habit. Maybe I'll even keep it around longer this time.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The Joy Diet: a Beginning
I've been reading Gretchen Wegner's blog and she is participating in a bloggers book group hosted by Jamie Ridler. I'm intrigued, so I'm joining in - albeit a little late. The current book is "The Joy Diet" by Martha Beck. The plan is that we read the book a chapter at a time, and spend a week with the ingredient of joy in the chapter and then blog about it on Fridays.
I've been pretty stressed lately and could use a little community and a little more conscious awareness of the joy in my life. An on-line book group is perfect for my schedule. In addition, I have been struggling to keep up with this blog and have NaNoWriMo coming up in November, so a more regular writing schedule would be a good thing.
Things got started this week and I only realized it on Wednesday. My copy of the book is waiting for me to pick up at the library tonight. In the meantime, I am getting started the best I can based on reading other people's blog entries.
I've been pretty stressed lately and could use a little community and a little more conscious awareness of the joy in my life. An on-line book group is perfect for my schedule. In addition, I have been struggling to keep up with this blog and have NaNoWriMo coming up in November, so a more regular writing schedule would be a good thing.
Things got started this week and I only realized it on Wednesday. My copy of the book is waiting for me to pick up at the library tonight. In the meantime, I am getting started the best I can based on reading other people's blog entries.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Birthdays
I never used to take birthdays particularly seriously - it just wasn't part of my family's traditions. In my family, the tradition was that a kid's birthday was an excuse for a big present and a meal out, all deliverable around the date of the birthday. There were a few parties, but only a few. I don't remember celebrating my parents' birthdays at all. But now, things have changed.
For one thing, Andy's family has different traditions. They pay more attention to actual birthdates and continue to mark adult birthdays more than my family does.
Now that Andy and I have 4 kids under 7, we don't get enough time for us to renew our own energy and refresh ourselves, so adult birthdays have become very important. Andy knows that on his birthday and on Father's Day, I will do my best to treat him to a late morning and some time to himself, and I know that he will do the same for me on my birthday and on Mother's Day. We try to find more time than that for ourselves, but these 4 days have become fixed points in our calendar.
This year, my birthday has been the excuse for a series of wonderful experiences. Firstly, last spring (months before the actual birthdays), my brother arranged for me to take Patrick to England for a 4-day weekend as a combined birthday present. We saw some of my family, saw The Lion King in the West End and visited some museums.
Later, in the summer, Andy took me to see Depeche Mode in Toronto.
On my actual birthday, I got breakfast in bed, cards and presents from the kids (thanks Andy for getting them organized), and an itinerary. My instructions were to take Andy's car and iPod (specially loaded with my favourite music) to the train station and to take myself into Toronto to see the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit at the Royal Ontario Museum. It was a fantastic day out and one I would not have taken without Andy saying "Go!"
I still don't think birthdays themselves are incredibly important, but I do think they serve the purpose of reminding us to create special times for each other from time to time. And, that is important.
For one thing, Andy's family has different traditions. They pay more attention to actual birthdates and continue to mark adult birthdays more than my family does.
Now that Andy and I have 4 kids under 7, we don't get enough time for us to renew our own energy and refresh ourselves, so adult birthdays have become very important. Andy knows that on his birthday and on Father's Day, I will do my best to treat him to a late morning and some time to himself, and I know that he will do the same for me on my birthday and on Mother's Day. We try to find more time than that for ourselves, but these 4 days have become fixed points in our calendar.
This year, my birthday has been the excuse for a series of wonderful experiences. Firstly, last spring (months before the actual birthdays), my brother arranged for me to take Patrick to England for a 4-day weekend as a combined birthday present. We saw some of my family, saw The Lion King in the West End and visited some museums.
Later, in the summer, Andy took me to see Depeche Mode in Toronto.
On my actual birthday, I got breakfast in bed, cards and presents from the kids (thanks Andy for getting them organized), and an itinerary. My instructions were to take Andy's car and iPod (specially loaded with my favourite music) to the train station and to take myself into Toronto to see the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit at the Royal Ontario Museum. It was a fantastic day out and one I would not have taken without Andy saying "Go!"
I still don't think birthdays themselves are incredibly important, but I do think they serve the purpose of reminding us to create special times for each other from time to time. And, that is important.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A Question of Hands
Patrick is at Zoo Camp this week at the Toronto Zoo. So, at 3:30 every day this week, I have to go to the zoo with the rest of the kids to pick him up. There is nowhere to park close enough to the pickup point for me to feel comfortable leaving three kids in the car, so everybody gets out of the car with me and rides in the Choo-Choo Wagon to get Patrick. And, since they know the zoo, they do not want to turn around and go back to the car once we have met him. So, for this week, after I pick Patrick up, I am taking everybody into the zoo to see a few animals and then have a picnic supper.
I cannot cope with having all four kids running around since none of them are very good at following instructions with me when excited or tired. The only way to keep my kids safe is to have most of the little ones in the wagon for most of the trip. This is ceasing to be acceptable to the little ones, who believe that, at the ripe old age of two, they are capable of anything. My compromise is to let them stand up in the parked wagon to look at some of the animals and to let them get out and push the wagon in very controlled areas of the zoo. Once today, I got into a situation where I thought maybe I had been too adventurous, but a couple of helpful parents in the vicinity meant that nothing ever got dangerous.
This is such a contrast to two weeks ago when Andy's parents were with us. For two weeks, we had one adult per child. Trips to fun places were almost easy. We were able to go to the Ontario Science Centre, which is impossible with one adult and scary with two. We went to two waterfront parks, a beach, and an outdoor swimming pool - all impossible with even two adults. We walked to get ice-cream. We went to Canada Day celebrations and didn't even get the wagon out of the car.
With one adult per child, we can do all the things that I want to do with small children. With two sets of hands, there are new parks we are willing to try, and nature walks we are willing to undertake, but we don't dare try new activities near water or in crowds unless we think everybody will stay in the wagon. And, when it is just me, I am reluctant to try much in the way of new activities.
It really is a question of the number of hands. I can handle a lot of adventures by myself when the kids are in good moods, but if one is overly-exuberant, one is in a bad mood, or anything minor goes wrong, things can get ugly in a hurry. And, with 4 kids in the mix, 3 of them "terrible twos," too many things can go wrong for me to be comfortable taking many risks with adventures outside the house without help.
I cannot cope with having all four kids running around since none of them are very good at following instructions with me when excited or tired. The only way to keep my kids safe is to have most of the little ones in the wagon for most of the trip. This is ceasing to be acceptable to the little ones, who believe that, at the ripe old age of two, they are capable of anything. My compromise is to let them stand up in the parked wagon to look at some of the animals and to let them get out and push the wagon in very controlled areas of the zoo. Once today, I got into a situation where I thought maybe I had been too adventurous, but a couple of helpful parents in the vicinity meant that nothing ever got dangerous.
This is such a contrast to two weeks ago when Andy's parents were with us. For two weeks, we had one adult per child. Trips to fun places were almost easy. We were able to go to the Ontario Science Centre, which is impossible with one adult and scary with two. We went to two waterfront parks, a beach, and an outdoor swimming pool - all impossible with even two adults. We walked to get ice-cream. We went to Canada Day celebrations and didn't even get the wagon out of the car.
With one adult per child, we can do all the things that I want to do with small children. With two sets of hands, there are new parks we are willing to try, and nature walks we are willing to undertake, but we don't dare try new activities near water or in crowds unless we think everybody will stay in the wagon. And, when it is just me, I am reluctant to try much in the way of new activities.
It really is a question of the number of hands. I can handle a lot of adventures by myself when the kids are in good moods, but if one is overly-exuberant, one is in a bad mood, or anything minor goes wrong, things can get ugly in a hurry. And, with 4 kids in the mix, 3 of them "terrible twos," too many things can go wrong for me to be comfortable taking many risks with adventures outside the house without help.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
On Doing Things with The Grandparents
Watch this space.
At the moment, we are busy enjoying having Andy's parents here and doing many things that are not possible without extra grownups. There will be a report in this space within a few days.
At the moment, we are busy enjoying having Andy's parents here and doing many things that are not possible without extra grownups. There will be a report in this space within a few days.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Little Things That Feel Big
With one baby, it can be quite easy to get around town and run errands. With a good wrap or sling, you can wear the baby snuggled next to you and still have two hands free. With one toddler, it gets harder, but is still doable. You negotiate when the child walks or is carried or strapped in, but you can change the arrangement at a moment's notice. And, of course, you have to worry about entertainment as a bored toddler is generally an unsafe or unhappy thing.
With triplets, the details just get more complicated.
This week, for instance, I needed to stop at an ATM to get some cash. Not a big deal, you may think, but it gets trickier with three toddlers in tow.
As I was pulling into the parking lot of the strip mall with the bank branch, I decided I would risk having the kids walk with me to the ATM. This would be a first.
Previously, I would have looked for a parking space with a second empty space next to it and used the second space to load them into the stroller. Instead, I found a parking space that would allow us to walk into the bank without crossing the parking lot - a big plus. I opened the rear door of the minivan and made sure that the bag with my wallet was right at the door. I crawled into the back of the van and unbuckled the three children from their seats in the rear row.
I took a deep breath and backed down onto the ground. William, Jocelyn, and Michael are all capable of getting out of the unbuckled seatbelts and getting down to the ground without my help, so I simply prepared to keep them safe once they got out. Jocelyn got out first and I swung the diaper bag over my left shoulder and grabbed Jocelyn's hand with my left hand as she stood outside the car.
William got out next. He grabbed my right hand and jumped out of the car and kept holding my hand as we waited for Michael. Michael crawled carefully out of the car and stood next to William. He then refused to hold William's hand. Since I cannot let him walk in the parking lot without holding hands, I have to find a way to hold his hand while holding hands with Jocelyn and William at the same time.
The solution is for me to spread my fingers and have William hold my thumb and Michael hold my little finger. This makes for interesting walking. The two who are holding on to the same hand have a tendency to walk in circles.
In any case, we slowly made our way to the sidewalk and two doors down to the bank. Jocelyn recognized the button to make the automatic door function, so she pressed the button and we were able to make our way into the building to the ATM. The entry way of the bank has a row of ATMs separated from the main branch by glass walls and another door. As I used the ATM to get cash, the kids pressed up to the glass walls to see inside the bank. There was nobody there, so they didn't actually learn anything about what happens in a bank, but they were fascinated anyway.
The hardest part of the whole trip was gathering everybody up to go back to the car. After trying unsuccessfully to get them to hold my hands inside, I sent them on a mission to use the automatic door. As the door was opening, I told them that they needed to hold my hand to go outside and I was able to convince Michael and Jocelyn to hold my hands and William to hold Jocelyn's hand. This made us very wide walking back to the car, but was actually easier than having everybody hold my hand directly.
After a short walk back to the car, I had to get everybody to stop and touch the car, letting go of my hands so I could open the car door. That worked, and we were very quickly back in the car. I got all three kids into the car and closed the door before getting any of them into seats. On this particular trip, everybody climbed into their seats and we buckled up quickly and were on our way. Sometimes I have to convince people not to sit in the front seats or Patrick's booster seat, but not this time.
All in all, a quick trip, but hardly simple.
With triplets, the details just get more complicated.
This week, for instance, I needed to stop at an ATM to get some cash. Not a big deal, you may think, but it gets trickier with three toddlers in tow.
As I was pulling into the parking lot of the strip mall with the bank branch, I decided I would risk having the kids walk with me to the ATM. This would be a first.
Previously, I would have looked for a parking space with a second empty space next to it and used the second space to load them into the stroller. Instead, I found a parking space that would allow us to walk into the bank without crossing the parking lot - a big plus. I opened the rear door of the minivan and made sure that the bag with my wallet was right at the door. I crawled into the back of the van and unbuckled the three children from their seats in the rear row.
I took a deep breath and backed down onto the ground. William, Jocelyn, and Michael are all capable of getting out of the unbuckled seatbelts and getting down to the ground without my help, so I simply prepared to keep them safe once they got out. Jocelyn got out first and I swung the diaper bag over my left shoulder and grabbed Jocelyn's hand with my left hand as she stood outside the car.
William got out next. He grabbed my right hand and jumped out of the car and kept holding my hand as we waited for Michael. Michael crawled carefully out of the car and stood next to William. He then refused to hold William's hand. Since I cannot let him walk in the parking lot without holding hands, I have to find a way to hold his hand while holding hands with Jocelyn and William at the same time.
The solution is for me to spread my fingers and have William hold my thumb and Michael hold my little finger. This makes for interesting walking. The two who are holding on to the same hand have a tendency to walk in circles.
In any case, we slowly made our way to the sidewalk and two doors down to the bank. Jocelyn recognized the button to make the automatic door function, so she pressed the button and we were able to make our way into the building to the ATM. The entry way of the bank has a row of ATMs separated from the main branch by glass walls and another door. As I used the ATM to get cash, the kids pressed up to the glass walls to see inside the bank. There was nobody there, so they didn't actually learn anything about what happens in a bank, but they were fascinated anyway.
The hardest part of the whole trip was gathering everybody up to go back to the car. After trying unsuccessfully to get them to hold my hands inside, I sent them on a mission to use the automatic door. As the door was opening, I told them that they needed to hold my hand to go outside and I was able to convince Michael and Jocelyn to hold my hands and William to hold Jocelyn's hand. This made us very wide walking back to the car, but was actually easier than having everybody hold my hand directly.
After a short walk back to the car, I had to get everybody to stop and touch the car, letting go of my hands so I could open the car door. That worked, and we were very quickly back in the car. I got all three kids into the car and closed the door before getting any of them into seats. On this particular trip, everybody climbed into their seats and we buckled up quickly and were on our way. Sometimes I have to convince people not to sit in the front seats or Patrick's booster seat, but not this time.
All in all, a quick trip, but hardly simple.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
On Self-Imposed Deadlines
I tend to be very deadline oriented. I always have been. And so, when I have something I need to do, I set a deadline and then work backwards to figure out how much progress I need to make in advance to get things done in time.
At least, that's the theory.
In practice, I am not as good at figuring out how far in advance I need to start things as I used to be. I just don't figure in enough time for the things that come up with 4 kids. It isn't that anything particularly surprising happens, but things always take more time than I anticipate.
Also, I am much better with hard deadlines, like filing my taxes, than I am with self-imposed deadlines, like posting my monthly blog entries. So, I got my taxes filed in April, but I didn't actually get this entry posted in April, the post date notwithstanding.
It has been a busy month, but that's no excuse. I just gave myself permission to let this one slip in order to take care of myself and my kids. I expect to be back on track in May.
At least, that's the theory.
In practice, I am not as good at figuring out how far in advance I need to start things as I used to be. I just don't figure in enough time for the things that come up with 4 kids. It isn't that anything particularly surprising happens, but things always take more time than I anticipate.
Also, I am much better with hard deadlines, like filing my taxes, than I am with self-imposed deadlines, like posting my monthly blog entries. So, I got my taxes filed in April, but I didn't actually get this entry posted in April, the post date notwithstanding.
It has been a busy month, but that's no excuse. I just gave myself permission to let this one slip in order to take care of myself and my kids. I expect to be back on track in May.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Not My Favourite Vacation
Travel with four children under 6 is a challenge. But, we do take a few road trips each year to stay at my parents' house in upstate New York. For Patrick's March break this year, we decided to change things up a bit. My parents also have a house in Maryland, and we decided to trek further South to visit them there.
We have a good travel routine for the 6-hour journey to New York, so we decided to use the same basic routine two days in a row to go the additional 6-hours South to Maryland. We like to set off after an early dinner and hope that the kids fall asleep at a reasonable time. So, our plans were: drive to the house in New York on Friday night, continue on to Maryland on Saturday night and return with the same schedule the following weekend. My mother was already in Maryland, but my father would meet us in the middle and drive down with us on Saturday.
Packing for Andy, Patrick and myself is easy. We set things aside over the two or three days before a trip and are ready to go the morning of the trip. Packing for William, Jocelyn, and Michael is hard. A lot of what they need on the journey are things they use every day: security blankets, sippy cups, bedding, favorite toys and books, and that sort of thing.
Throughout the day of our departure, packing occurs as possible. When the kids have finished using something, it gets added to the pile - usually in a random bag, and often still needing to be washed. We order pizza for dinner and one adult works on packing the car while the other feeds the kids. At this point, Patrick is anxious to be on the road and the little ones have realized something is up and just want their normal bedtime routine. As soon as dinner is finished, the kids get packed into the car. Michael, William, and Jocelyn need to be in the car before we can finish putting the bags in because of the location of cargo space - the rear of the vehicle being entirely full with a triple stroller and various small bags in the spaces around the stroller. Once the kids are in, Andy and I run around the house and attempt to get the garbage out, the lights off, the heating turned down, and all the other last minute things that need to happen before leaving town. This time, one of our neighbors came over and helped out with the kids. Her help enabled us to get on the road at least 45 minutes earlier than if we had been on our own.
Patrick is always a trouper at this point. He knows that if he behaves, he will be allowed to watch a movie on the portable DVD-player before he is expected to sleep. For this vacation, he was given a new movie - an animated version of Roald Dahl's The BFG - and he was excited to watch it. (He ended up watching it on three of the four long car drives.)
For this drive, things were smooth. The border crossing was quick and easy. We stopped at our usual rest area to switch drivers and use the facilities. Jocelyn and William fell asleep early. Patrick fell asleep quickly after his movie. Michael didn't get enough sleep, but he was quiet. We arrived at our destination in good time. My mother and father had set up beds for all the kids in their usual rooms, so everything was set for going to bed upon arrival. Patrick slipped downstairs to his bedroom as soon as we arrived - hardly noticing the transition. The younger set had a quick run around when we unloaded the car and fell back to sleep quickly.
The next morning started ominously, with the two youngest boys climbing out of their travel cribs. The house in Maryland had never seen the triplets and Andy and I worried for the safety of the house and the kids. Nevertheless, we had an excellent day of rest - visiting my aunt and uncle on their new farm. Patrick was particularly pleased as he got a fabulous ride on their new ATV and saw bats.
We changed our minds about our travel plans and set off mid-afternoon with plans to stop for supper. During the little one's nap, the adults furiously packed up food, gates, and toys. The beds were packed up during the post-nap snack. We set off in two fully laden cars. Patrick rode the first leg of the journey with his grandfather and then moved into the family car after dinner. Stopping for dinner sounded good in theory, but the little ones were too excited to eat properly, so we had hungry toddlers later. My father headed off to Maryland, expecting to drive faster than us, with the travel beds for the four kids in his car. He did arrive before us and he and my mother set the beds up for the kids. Patrick had a little alcove next to our room and the little ones were in a room downstairs. So far, so good. Patrick went up to bed without trouble and the others were reluctantly put into their cribs for the night.
And then, William and Michael climbed out of their travel cribs. Jocelyn watched, learned, and joined them. Much later that same evening, they eventually fell asleep. We had taken the mattresses out of the cribs and created a pen around them into which we put the children one at a time, each one waiting until the previous one was asleep. When they were finally all asleep, Andy and I headed up to bed, exhausted. We were woken early in the morning by Patrick who had thrown up, and proceeded to be throw up again later in the morning.
So, we woke the following morning with one sick child - luckily, no longer vomiting - and three toddlers who could not be counted on to be safely contained at bedtime. We had a mellow day at home to help Patrick rest and busied ourselves making the downstairs room safe for climbing children. By the evening, we felt ready to face putting the little ones to bed in the now-safer room and Patrick was clearly weak but better.
And then, within minutes of each other, Jocelyn and William threw up - and continued to throw up for hours. When things seemed to have slowed down, all the kids beds were moved. The cribs were taken upstairs to be in with Andy and me, and Patrick's bed was taken downstairs. Michael went to sleep easily in his crib, and the other two slept some. There was more vomiting and Andy and I took turns with sick children in the bathroom. Shortly after 2 am, Michael joined the party and was sick as well. By this time, Andy and I were in the alcove between our room and the bathroom on the floor with the three toddlers, not wanting to move any further from the bathroom. The kids piled on the grown-ups and we all eventually fell asleep on the floor for a few hours of the best sleep of the night.
The following day, my mother came down with the bug, but the kids stopped throwing up. Jocelyn was extremely weak and William was hardly any better. Patrick was recovering, and Michael was acting as though nothing was really out of sorts. That night saw Andy sleeping on the bathroom floor by himself as he came down with it. The following night, it was my turn. One blessing: the heat was on the fritz and our room was incredibly hot, so the cool bathroom was actually the most comfortable temperature for sleeping. All in all, it was a mess. The one good thing about the little ones being sick is that they didn't bother climbing out of their cribs again.
By Thursday, everybody was in good enough shape that we were able to get to a local playground during the day and headed into Virginia to see some old friends for dinner. The one hiccup on the drive to Virginia was that my mother was not back from work yet and she had taken the car with Patrick's booster seat with her. So, we stopped at Toys R Us on the way out of town to buy a booster seat for Patrick. At Toys R Us, the backless booster seats were hiding and I had to ask Customer Service to help me find them. It was a pain, but we managed it and still got to our friends' house in good time.
Friday was a good day - another trip to the playground - but once again, full of packing. This time, my mother had taken a half-full car to the Metro station before she headed into D.C. for a meeting. She would head up to the New York house from there. Among the things she had was Patrick's bed. My father would carry the safety gates and the cribs. Andy and I took the kids and the rest of our things and would stop for supper on the way. My father left half an hour or so after us and finished cleaning up the house before coming out. My father drives faster than we do and stops less, so the expectation was that he would arrive in plenty of time to get the kids beds set up. As it was, my mother had awful traffic, my father got lost, and we made decent time. My father arrived with time to set up the cribs.
My mother was not there before us, so Patrick had no bed to slip into. But, she arrived within half an hour of us and the first thing we did was get Patrick to bed. In the morning, Patrick had no recollection of coming in from the car and being ushered to the sofa, where he lay down and slept until my mother arrived and the aerobed was inflated for him. He also had no memory of walking clumsily down the spiral staircase to get into bed.
On Saturday, we took a lovely walk in the woods and packed for the journey back to Toronto. We got on the road in good time after an early supper. Things looked good until we got into Buffalo. We just barely saw a sign that told us of a 1-2 hour wait at the Canadian border at the bridge we usually use. Luckily, we managed to figure out the route to a different bridge with a 0-30 minute advertised wait before the turnoff that committed us to the usual bridge. Andy, working with the map and the GPS navigation system, got us to the Fort Erie Bridge without trouble. And then began the wait at Customs, where I managed to pick the worst lane by about a 30-minute margin. There was trouble with the traffic pattern ahead of us and at least half a dozen cars weren't really in a lane and needed to merge into our lane. After Customs, there was another wait to get through the toll plaza for the bridge. Even so, we were through the back-up in less than the hour or more being advertised at the Lewiston bridge, so we were happy.
The rest of the journey was uneventful and the kids all went to bed pretty easily once we got home. It wasn't until the following night that William, and Michael took the experience they gained climbing out of the travel cribs and turned it into motivation to climb out of the full-size cribs at home. And so, a new adventure began as we started the process of getting them to sleep in proper beds.
We had a couple of good days in there, and it was nice to have my parents around when Andy and I got sick, but I have to say it was a vacation I would rather not repeat.
We have a good travel routine for the 6-hour journey to New York, so we decided to use the same basic routine two days in a row to go the additional 6-hours South to Maryland. We like to set off after an early dinner and hope that the kids fall asleep at a reasonable time. So, our plans were: drive to the house in New York on Friday night, continue on to Maryland on Saturday night and return with the same schedule the following weekend. My mother was already in Maryland, but my father would meet us in the middle and drive down with us on Saturday.
Packing for Andy, Patrick and myself is easy. We set things aside over the two or three days before a trip and are ready to go the morning of the trip. Packing for William, Jocelyn, and Michael is hard. A lot of what they need on the journey are things they use every day: security blankets, sippy cups, bedding, favorite toys and books, and that sort of thing.
Throughout the day of our departure, packing occurs as possible. When the kids have finished using something, it gets added to the pile - usually in a random bag, and often still needing to be washed. We order pizza for dinner and one adult works on packing the car while the other feeds the kids. At this point, Patrick is anxious to be on the road and the little ones have realized something is up and just want their normal bedtime routine. As soon as dinner is finished, the kids get packed into the car. Michael, William, and Jocelyn need to be in the car before we can finish putting the bags in because of the location of cargo space - the rear of the vehicle being entirely full with a triple stroller and various small bags in the spaces around the stroller. Once the kids are in, Andy and I run around the house and attempt to get the garbage out, the lights off, the heating turned down, and all the other last minute things that need to happen before leaving town. This time, one of our neighbors came over and helped out with the kids. Her help enabled us to get on the road at least 45 minutes earlier than if we had been on our own.
Patrick is always a trouper at this point. He knows that if he behaves, he will be allowed to watch a movie on the portable DVD-player before he is expected to sleep. For this vacation, he was given a new movie - an animated version of Roald Dahl's The BFG - and he was excited to watch it. (He ended up watching it on three of the four long car drives.)
For this drive, things were smooth. The border crossing was quick and easy. We stopped at our usual rest area to switch drivers and use the facilities. Jocelyn and William fell asleep early. Patrick fell asleep quickly after his movie. Michael didn't get enough sleep, but he was quiet. We arrived at our destination in good time. My mother and father had set up beds for all the kids in their usual rooms, so everything was set for going to bed upon arrival. Patrick slipped downstairs to his bedroom as soon as we arrived - hardly noticing the transition. The younger set had a quick run around when we unloaded the car and fell back to sleep quickly.
The next morning started ominously, with the two youngest boys climbing out of their travel cribs. The house in Maryland had never seen the triplets and Andy and I worried for the safety of the house and the kids. Nevertheless, we had an excellent day of rest - visiting my aunt and uncle on their new farm. Patrick was particularly pleased as he got a fabulous ride on their new ATV and saw bats.
We changed our minds about our travel plans and set off mid-afternoon with plans to stop for supper. During the little one's nap, the adults furiously packed up food, gates, and toys. The beds were packed up during the post-nap snack. We set off in two fully laden cars. Patrick rode the first leg of the journey with his grandfather and then moved into the family car after dinner. Stopping for dinner sounded good in theory, but the little ones were too excited to eat properly, so we had hungry toddlers later. My father headed off to Maryland, expecting to drive faster than us, with the travel beds for the four kids in his car. He did arrive before us and he and my mother set the beds up for the kids. Patrick had a little alcove next to our room and the little ones were in a room downstairs. So far, so good. Patrick went up to bed without trouble and the others were reluctantly put into their cribs for the night.
And then, William and Michael climbed out of their travel cribs. Jocelyn watched, learned, and joined them. Much later that same evening, they eventually fell asleep. We had taken the mattresses out of the cribs and created a pen around them into which we put the children one at a time, each one waiting until the previous one was asleep. When they were finally all asleep, Andy and I headed up to bed, exhausted. We were woken early in the morning by Patrick who had thrown up, and proceeded to be throw up again later in the morning.
So, we woke the following morning with one sick child - luckily, no longer vomiting - and three toddlers who could not be counted on to be safely contained at bedtime. We had a mellow day at home to help Patrick rest and busied ourselves making the downstairs room safe for climbing children. By the evening, we felt ready to face putting the little ones to bed in the now-safer room and Patrick was clearly weak but better.
And then, within minutes of each other, Jocelyn and William threw up - and continued to throw up for hours. When things seemed to have slowed down, all the kids beds were moved. The cribs were taken upstairs to be in with Andy and me, and Patrick's bed was taken downstairs. Michael went to sleep easily in his crib, and the other two slept some. There was more vomiting and Andy and I took turns with sick children in the bathroom. Shortly after 2 am, Michael joined the party and was sick as well. By this time, Andy and I were in the alcove between our room and the bathroom on the floor with the three toddlers, not wanting to move any further from the bathroom. The kids piled on the grown-ups and we all eventually fell asleep on the floor for a few hours of the best sleep of the night.
The following day, my mother came down with the bug, but the kids stopped throwing up. Jocelyn was extremely weak and William was hardly any better. Patrick was recovering, and Michael was acting as though nothing was really out of sorts. That night saw Andy sleeping on the bathroom floor by himself as he came down with it. The following night, it was my turn. One blessing: the heat was on the fritz and our room was incredibly hot, so the cool bathroom was actually the most comfortable temperature for sleeping. All in all, it was a mess. The one good thing about the little ones being sick is that they didn't bother climbing out of their cribs again.
By Thursday, everybody was in good enough shape that we were able to get to a local playground during the day and headed into Virginia to see some old friends for dinner. The one hiccup on the drive to Virginia was that my mother was not back from work yet and she had taken the car with Patrick's booster seat with her. So, we stopped at Toys R Us on the way out of town to buy a booster seat for Patrick. At Toys R Us, the backless booster seats were hiding and I had to ask Customer Service to help me find them. It was a pain, but we managed it and still got to our friends' house in good time.
Friday was a good day - another trip to the playground - but once again, full of packing. This time, my mother had taken a half-full car to the Metro station before she headed into D.C. for a meeting. She would head up to the New York house from there. Among the things she had was Patrick's bed. My father would carry the safety gates and the cribs. Andy and I took the kids and the rest of our things and would stop for supper on the way. My father left half an hour or so after us and finished cleaning up the house before coming out. My father drives faster than we do and stops less, so the expectation was that he would arrive in plenty of time to get the kids beds set up. As it was, my mother had awful traffic, my father got lost, and we made decent time. My father arrived with time to set up the cribs.
My mother was not there before us, so Patrick had no bed to slip into. But, she arrived within half an hour of us and the first thing we did was get Patrick to bed. In the morning, Patrick had no recollection of coming in from the car and being ushered to the sofa, where he lay down and slept until my mother arrived and the aerobed was inflated for him. He also had no memory of walking clumsily down the spiral staircase to get into bed.
On Saturday, we took a lovely walk in the woods and packed for the journey back to Toronto. We got on the road in good time after an early supper. Things looked good until we got into Buffalo. We just barely saw a sign that told us of a 1-2 hour wait at the Canadian border at the bridge we usually use. Luckily, we managed to figure out the route to a different bridge with a 0-30 minute advertised wait before the turnoff that committed us to the usual bridge. Andy, working with the map and the GPS navigation system, got us to the Fort Erie Bridge without trouble. And then began the wait at Customs, where I managed to pick the worst lane by about a 30-minute margin. There was trouble with the traffic pattern ahead of us and at least half a dozen cars weren't really in a lane and needed to merge into our lane. After Customs, there was another wait to get through the toll plaza for the bridge. Even so, we were through the back-up in less than the hour or more being advertised at the Lewiston bridge, so we were happy.
The rest of the journey was uneventful and the kids all went to bed pretty easily once we got home. It wasn't until the following night that William, and Michael took the experience they gained climbing out of the travel cribs and turned it into motivation to climb out of the full-size cribs at home. And so, a new adventure began as we started the process of getting them to sleep in proper beds.
We had a couple of good days in there, and it was nice to have my parents around when Andy and I got sick, but I have to say it was a vacation I would rather not repeat.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Learning To Love the Snow
When we moved from California, Patrick was 3. He had seen snow, but not had much experience with it. It didn't take him long to turn his fascination with this new kind of weather into true enthusiasm. He quickly realized that snow is wet and cold and worth dressing appropriately for. It was much harder to convince him that a clear, sunny fall or winter day without snow could be cold enough to require a winter coat, hat and gloves. Now, in the midst of our third winter in Ontario, he is an old hand at dressing for the weather and usually does a fine job. He loves to sled, skate, and make snowmen, snow forts, and snow angels. This year, we have had deep, soft snow and he has enjoyed simply trudging through it. Teaching Michael, William and Jocelyn about winter weather and the fun that snow can be has been more challenging.
Last winter we hardly had them out in the snow at all. For one thing, they couldn't yet walk, so they had no way of generating extra body heat through exercise. They got brief excursions between the car and various buildings and they saw winter through the window, and that was about it.
At the beginning of this winter, we had a few days with light flurries and no accumulation. I made a point of getting the kids outside to feel the snow on their faces. They were enthusiastic about the new experience as long as I didn't let them get cold.
The first day that there was an significant snow on the ground, Andy and I bundled them up in snowsuits and took them outside. It took a good 20 minutes to get them all into their outdoor gear. Gloves and hats were removed several times, boots were resisted and the snowsuits were a struggle. Once they were finally dressed, we opened the door and let them out. They stood inside for some time, unsure of how to proceed. Eventually, they braved the new environment. William and Jocelyn had an easier time walking than Michael, who tripped every time he tried to move. Jocelyn and William managed to move around enough to get frustrated that they couldn't run and climb. After just a few minutes, each of them had fallen, gotten snow inside their mittens and started crying to come inside. Half an hour after beginning the adventure, we were back inside and undressed.
Shortly afterward, they were given fleece buntings that are easier to walk in than the snowsuits, but not as warm. The first successful adventure into the snow was in the buntings in warm weather. It was just 10 minutes or so in the front yard, but they actually enjoyed walking around and watching their big brother run and fall in the snow.
By now, they are comfortable walking in their snow suits, but don't like the cold. On the few warm days that we have had, they have really enjoyed being outside. Walking in boots has become a favorite activity inside, so they are now quite good at running in boots when they aren't in snowsuits.
If the snow gets deep enough, it is hard to walk in. 4 inches is about what my kids can handle. And we have had a lot more snow than that most of the winter. So, unless the snow is well packed, they like to stand on shoveled surfaces and kick at the snow piles.
We haven't ventured far in the snowy outdoors. It is too easy for a fun time to become miserable when somebody gets cold. But, it is a beginning. By next year, we should be ready to try sledding on the local hill as long as the weather isn't too terribly cold.
Last winter we hardly had them out in the snow at all. For one thing, they couldn't yet walk, so they had no way of generating extra body heat through exercise. They got brief excursions between the car and various buildings and they saw winter through the window, and that was about it.
At the beginning of this winter, we had a few days with light flurries and no accumulation. I made a point of getting the kids outside to feel the snow on their faces. They were enthusiastic about the new experience as long as I didn't let them get cold.
The first day that there was an significant snow on the ground, Andy and I bundled them up in snowsuits and took them outside. It took a good 20 minutes to get them all into their outdoor gear. Gloves and hats were removed several times, boots were resisted and the snowsuits were a struggle. Once they were finally dressed, we opened the door and let them out. They stood inside for some time, unsure of how to proceed. Eventually, they braved the new environment. William and Jocelyn had an easier time walking than Michael, who tripped every time he tried to move. Jocelyn and William managed to move around enough to get frustrated that they couldn't run and climb. After just a few minutes, each of them had fallen, gotten snow inside their mittens and started crying to come inside. Half an hour after beginning the adventure, we were back inside and undressed.
Shortly afterward, they were given fleece buntings that are easier to walk in than the snowsuits, but not as warm. The first successful adventure into the snow was in the buntings in warm weather. It was just 10 minutes or so in the front yard, but they actually enjoyed walking around and watching their big brother run and fall in the snow.
By now, they are comfortable walking in their snow suits, but don't like the cold. On the few warm days that we have had, they have really enjoyed being outside. Walking in boots has become a favorite activity inside, so they are now quite good at running in boots when they aren't in snowsuits.
If the snow gets deep enough, it is hard to walk in. 4 inches is about what my kids can handle. And we have had a lot more snow than that most of the winter. So, unless the snow is well packed, they like to stand on shoveled surfaces and kick at the snow piles.
We haven't ventured far in the snowy outdoors. It is too easy for a fun time to become miserable when somebody gets cold. But, it is a beginning. By next year, we should be ready to try sledding on the local hill as long as the weather isn't too terribly cold.
Friday, January 2, 2009
It Gets Easier; It Gets Harder
There is a saying among some triplet families that the hardest ages are "the first six months and the age you are at now." I think that is overly simplistic, but it has a grain of truth to it. Each developmental stage is different and each parent has some stages which seem easier than others. Because I have an older child, I have seen the different ages before, so nothing is entirely new. However, the developmental stages manifest differently in each child, so I am always learning.
The first six months are incredibly difficult. Three infants simply require a lot of hands on care. They eat often, sleep often, and need to be changed often. They are not yet on reliable schedules. They probably don't sleep through the night. They can do nothing for themselves. In our case, add the challenge of finding time for an older child who has gone from the only child to the one most capable of fending for himself. Simply to survive is an achievement.
As they get older, all children learn to do more for themselves, go through different stages of development and need different forms of teaching. The transition from compliant baby happy to just play with a few toys and people into a curious, independent toddler who wants to do everything now is challenging with one child. With three, it gets a whole new level of complexity.
With Patrick, I had the time and energy to work with him to reduce his frustration as much as possible. My whole world revolved around entertaining, distracting, and teaching him. He was strong-willed, fiercely independent, and demanding, but I had the energy and attention to meet him where he was. We had our share of tantrums and struggles, but we had a lot of fun as well. With three children going through this developmental transition at the same time, the challenges are different. And so are the joyful moments.
Because they are used to being together, Michael, Jocelyn and William play together remarkably well. Most children under 2 do not play "together." At this age, playing alongside each other is the most that is expected of kids. William, Jocelyn and Michael will play peek-a-boo, chasing games, and tickling games with each other, and they are learning to take turns. Also, because they have been forced to spend much of their lives entertaining themselves while all the grown-ups are busy, they are very good at playing on their own. For long periods, they can play wonderfully without any adult intervention.
However, when things get rough, they get very rough, very fast. Biting is common. Hitting, kicking and hair pulling are not uncommon. Screaming is common, and when one starts, often they all start.
This is an age where children need Mummy tremendously when they need her, and there is not a lot of room for sharing her when the need is greatest. I have been known to spend an hour picking up and comforting one child only to have them let loose when I pick up a second upset child, and then to have the third little one become upset because the noise is too much - at which point, Patrick usually needs something and screams loudly to get his needs met, too.
Because I now have 4 children who are asking for what they want and testing my limits, there are moments when the simplest practical task is hard. And yet, when they play well together, or hold each other's hands when crossing the street, life is much easier than it was a few months ago.
I have no illusions. I expect that there will be things that get harder and things that get easier forever. I know that the limit pushing of 3 almost 2-year olds is likely to be less vigourous than that of 3 almost 3-year olds. I know that the demands of 3 5-year olds and a 9-year old who want to do different things will be hard to manage. And yet, I also believe that as they get older, there will be times when they play well together, help out around the house and otherwise make life fun and easier as a family.
I only hope that I can enjoy the good moments and not worry too much about the challenges.
The first six months are incredibly difficult. Three infants simply require a lot of hands on care. They eat often, sleep often, and need to be changed often. They are not yet on reliable schedules. They probably don't sleep through the night. They can do nothing for themselves. In our case, add the challenge of finding time for an older child who has gone from the only child to the one most capable of fending for himself. Simply to survive is an achievement.
As they get older, all children learn to do more for themselves, go through different stages of development and need different forms of teaching. The transition from compliant baby happy to just play with a few toys and people into a curious, independent toddler who wants to do everything now is challenging with one child. With three, it gets a whole new level of complexity.
With Patrick, I had the time and energy to work with him to reduce his frustration as much as possible. My whole world revolved around entertaining, distracting, and teaching him. He was strong-willed, fiercely independent, and demanding, but I had the energy and attention to meet him where he was. We had our share of tantrums and struggles, but we had a lot of fun as well. With three children going through this developmental transition at the same time, the challenges are different. And so are the joyful moments.
Because they are used to being together, Michael, Jocelyn and William play together remarkably well. Most children under 2 do not play "together." At this age, playing alongside each other is the most that is expected of kids. William, Jocelyn and Michael will play peek-a-boo, chasing games, and tickling games with each other, and they are learning to take turns. Also, because they have been forced to spend much of their lives entertaining themselves while all the grown-ups are busy, they are very good at playing on their own. For long periods, they can play wonderfully without any adult intervention.
However, when things get rough, they get very rough, very fast. Biting is common. Hitting, kicking and hair pulling are not uncommon. Screaming is common, and when one starts, often they all start.
This is an age where children need Mummy tremendously when they need her, and there is not a lot of room for sharing her when the need is greatest. I have been known to spend an hour picking up and comforting one child only to have them let loose when I pick up a second upset child, and then to have the third little one become upset because the noise is too much - at which point, Patrick usually needs something and screams loudly to get his needs met, too.
Because I now have 4 children who are asking for what they want and testing my limits, there are moments when the simplest practical task is hard. And yet, when they play well together, or hold each other's hands when crossing the street, life is much easier than it was a few months ago.
I have no illusions. I expect that there will be things that get harder and things that get easier forever. I know that the limit pushing of 3 almost 2-year olds is likely to be less vigourous than that of 3 almost 3-year olds. I know that the demands of 3 5-year olds and a 9-year old who want to do different things will be hard to manage. And yet, I also believe that as they get older, there will be times when they play well together, help out around the house and otherwise make life fun and easier as a family.
I only hope that I can enjoy the good moments and not worry too much about the challenges.
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