It Gets Easier; It Gets Harder

There is a saying among some triplet families that the hardest ages are "the first six months and the age you are at now." I think that is overly simplistic, but it has a grain of truth to it. Each developmental stage is different and each parent has some stages which seem easier than others. Because I have an older child, I have seen the different ages before, so nothing is entirely new. However, the developmental stages manifest differently in each child, so I am always learning.

The first six months are incredibly difficult. Three infants simply require a lot of hands on care. They eat often, sleep often, and need to be changed often. They are not yet on reliable schedules. They probably don't sleep through the night. They can do nothing for themselves. In our case, add the challenge of finding time for an older child who has gone from the only child to the one most capable of fending for himself. Simply to survive is an achievement.

As they get older, all children learn to do more for themselves, go through different stages of development and need different forms of teaching. The transition from compliant baby happy to just play with a few toys and people into a curious, independent toddler who wants to do everything now is challenging with one child. With three, it gets a whole new level of complexity.

With Patrick, I had the time and energy to work with him to reduce his frustration as much as possible. My whole world revolved around entertaining, distracting, and teaching him. He was strong-willed, fiercely independent, and demanding, but I had the energy and attention to meet him where he was. We had our share of tantrums and struggles, but we had a lot of fun as well. With three children going through this developmental transition at the same time, the challenges are different. And so are the joyful moments.

Because they are used to being together, Michael, Jocelyn and William play together remarkably well. Most children under 2 do not play "together." At this age, playing alongside each other is the most that is expected of kids. William, Jocelyn and Michael will play peek-a-boo, chasing games, and tickling games with each other, and they are learning to take turns. Also, because they have been forced to spend much of their lives entertaining themselves while all the grown-ups are busy, they are very good at playing on their own. For long periods, they can play wonderfully without any adult intervention.

However, when things get rough, they get very rough, very fast. Biting is common. Hitting, kicking and hair pulling are not uncommon. Screaming is common, and when one starts, often they all start.

This is an age where children need Mummy tremendously when they need her, and there is not a lot of room for sharing her when the need is greatest. I have been known to spend an hour picking up and comforting one child only to have them let loose when I pick up a second upset child, and then to have the third little one become upset because the noise is too much - at which point, Patrick usually needs something and screams loudly to get his needs met, too.

Because I now have 4 children who are asking for what they want and testing my limits, there are moments when the simplest practical task is hard. And yet, when they play well together, or hold each other's hands when crossing the street, life is much easier than it was a few months ago.

I have no illusions. I expect that there will be things that get harder and things that get easier forever. I know that the limit pushing of 3 almost 2-year olds is likely to be less vigourous than that of 3 almost 3-year olds. I know that the demands of 3 5-year olds and a 9-year old who want to do different things will be hard to manage. And yet, I also believe that as they get older, there will be times when they play well together, help out around the house and otherwise make life fun and easier as a family.

I only hope that I can enjoy the good moments and not worry too much about the challenges.