Why the Break in Blog Posts

It has been months since I found time to articulate my thoughts enough to post an update. I apologize to those of you who want updates and don't get them any other way.

December was busy getting ready for the holidays, which pounced on me with less warning than usual, or at least it seemed that way. I was in rehearsal for a play that would be in performance in late January. Dangerous Obsession is a three person cast, and I was onstage for the whole show, so there was no sitting around the theatre during rehearsal to learn my lines or do anything other than rehearse.

Shortly before Christmas, a beloved aunt of mine was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had surgery, which put an emotional strain on the whole family. By the end of January, it was clear that she was deteriorating rapidly and would not survive for long. The family came together as often as possible, rallying around her and each other to celebrate her life and ease her death to the extent we could. When she died, I personally experienced that awful mix of emotions that include devastation at her loss and relief that her suffering was over.

Parenting through grief is challenging. Patrick knew and loved Karen and understood what was happening. The triplets were oblivious. The energy of young children who were thrilled to be visiting their grandparents often, as we did during February, distracted the adults somewhat from our grief, which was a welcome relief. However, alone with the children at home, I have found it a struggle to by buoyed up by their enthusiasm and not weighted down with the challenges of providing a warm home for 4 children who need me so fully all the time.

At the same time, Andy is in rehearsal for a play – a much needed and much deserved project for him – and is extremely busy at work. He has been a tremendous support through my loss, but he needs support through his busy time, now.

The last few months have been a time where my self care needs have required a lot of retreating into myself. And, this internal retreat is the main reason for my lack of updates.