Moments of Method, Moments of Madness

The intensity of toddlerhood is magnified with multiples. If things are working, they are wonderful. But the meltdowns are spectacular.

William, Michael and Jocelyn have been developing the ability to play independently, together and with Patrick, in ways that require me to engage infrequently. This is a wonderful development. Of course, fights and disagreements arise and I have to help them sort things out. But, often, I can do something else that needs to be done while listening for screams and attending to the needs of those who seek me out for attention.

We have reached a new level of being able to take turns and play structured games together. In January, my parents and I introduced the triplets to board games, starting with Candyland. The first time we played, each child had an adult to help them, and this eased the learning process. Now, as long as I am highly engaged, we can play with just one adult. I need to lead with a heavy hand, telling everybody whose turn it is, reminding them where to put their cards, helping them take their turns and move their pieces, keeping track of whose turn it is as they wander away from the board and come back, etc. But it works, and they keep asking to play it again. Recently, I introduced them to a memory game involving turning over cards to find pairs. Once again, by leading firmly, I was able to manage the game with all four children in such a way that they had fun.

Reading a book together has become a wonderful family bonding experience. When I sit on the sofa with a book to read and the four children gather around to listen, there is usually some jostling into position before things get started, but then I often read three or four books in a row before people get restless.

If only one person wants a story and the others are off doing their own things, it is a different experience all together. Yesterday, for instance, I had one tired child who wanted to snuggle and read a story. He found a book and climbed into my lap with his blankie to cuddle and I started reading. I had to interrupt what could have been a 5-7 minute long story for 2 trips to the washroom, including cleaning up one potty accident; one fall; one tussle over toys; and a spilled drink. By the time I finished reading the story, all four children had cried, shouted, or been disciplined and I was mentally scattered.

When the weather is warm, I am now able to walk with Michael, William and Jocelyn to the bus stop to meet Patrick after school. This is a new development and I am still wary of taking them very far for a walk. When things go well, it feels quite easy, but it only takes one child who doesn't want to follow the plan for it to become dangerous. With one toddler, I could just pick him up and carry him when he became unwilling to behave safely. With three, it just isn't possible.

Living with the daily chaos, I don't always notice how much the kids are growing up. But, we are not the same as we were in the fall. I still feel overwhelmed by how much the little ones cannot yet do for themselves, but they are able to do more all the time. Each self-care skill the kids acquire makes it easier for me to enjoy these wonderful children rather than be overwhelmed by how much work I have to do.