They say you can never go home again. Sometimes, however, you can do something close.
Two years ago, Patrick and I spent most of the week with a single family. Patrick and I had very conveniently bonded deeply with a boy and his mother who lived extremely close to us. And, the rest of the families got along well, too. Our weekdays often started with a joint activity and sometimes involved lunch or an afternoon playdate as well. If Andy was traveling, the afternoons we spent together would often turn into dinner together.
Two weeks ago, as a March break special event, Patrick and I went back to our old neighbourhood in California while Andy stayed at home with Jocelyn, William and Michael. We stayed with the family of Patrick's best buddy. We are the sort of friends who can easily slip into being together after a long absence. It was almost like the past year had never happened, except for a few details: we were sleeping at their house; the boys are taller; the homework is harder; there were pictures and videos of three other children who look like Patrick floating around. But, for Patrick and me to spend a week based at their house with some separate activities seemed completely natural. Surprisingly often, there was no sense that most of our family was missing. It was a wonderful trip, but a slightly surreal experience.
This past week, we have been back in the reality of our now with our complete family. And, as so often happens after a vacation, the week in California already feels somewhat dream-like. And we are home again.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
A Trio, Not Three of a Kind
It is hard to avoid a certain amount of batch processing with triplets, but some approaches seem more batch than necessary. For some things, a group makes sense. Mealtimes and bedtime, for instance. For others, a more individual approach strikes me as healthier.
Despite the unanimous agreement of people who claim to be experts that it is a bad idea, plenty of parents of multiples give their kids names that rhyme, start with the same letter, end with the same sound, or have some other "cute" relationship. Now, I have to confess that there is a relationship between the names of our trio, but I wouldn't call it a "cute" one; they are all family names. That said, they do come from two different families.
I have always been irritated, especially, by the folks who dress their multiples in matching clothes. From my perspective it focuses on their groupness and the random fact that they share a birthday rather than on the fact that they are three special little people. And, I think it is worse for identical multiples because they have a hard time establishing their uniqueness without matching clothes. And so, I have never before dressed my trio alike.
But, today, when I reached into the drawers to get clothes, I found a burgundy top and blue trousers on the top of all of Michael, William and Jocelyn's piles. Since I consciously dress them differently, I was curious to see what it would be like to put them all in these similar outfits. Michael was in denim overalls and a turtleneck, William in denim overalls and a henley, and Jocelyn was in a boyish long sleeve t-shirt and cargo sweatpants. Each of them were super cute. They didn't match exactly, but they were definitely a set. And, it irritated me all day. Sure, it was cute, but it seemed cute at the expense of my lovely children's unique personalities. When people look at my kids, I don't want them to see "Patrick and the Triplets", I want them to see Patrick the goofy, Jocelyn the imp, climbing Michael, and laughing William.
Michael, William and Jocelyn are sufficiently different in behaviour, mood, size, coloring, facial features, etc. that those of us who are with them every day were never in serious trouble with identifying them, but the neighbor girl who comes over once a week or so got the boys confused several times.
In the past, I had thought I could make allowances for people who wanted to have the cuteness factor in special pictures, but, after today, I have changed my mind on that. Special pictures tend to be seen by people who don't see you very often and these are the people who most need help in telling the kids apart. And public outings are worse; the kids are actually going to be there to hear if you don't get their names right.
And so, I don't think I'll be repeating this little experiment, but I'm quite glad I actually did it once.
Despite the unanimous agreement of people who claim to be experts that it is a bad idea, plenty of parents of multiples give their kids names that rhyme, start with the same letter, end with the same sound, or have some other "cute" relationship. Now, I have to confess that there is a relationship between the names of our trio, but I wouldn't call it a "cute" one; they are all family names. That said, they do come from two different families.
I have always been irritated, especially, by the folks who dress their multiples in matching clothes. From my perspective it focuses on their groupness and the random fact that they share a birthday rather than on the fact that they are three special little people. And, I think it is worse for identical multiples because they have a hard time establishing their uniqueness without matching clothes. And so, I have never before dressed my trio alike.
But, today, when I reached into the drawers to get clothes, I found a burgundy top and blue trousers on the top of all of Michael, William and Jocelyn's piles. Since I consciously dress them differently, I was curious to see what it would be like to put them all in these similar outfits. Michael was in denim overalls and a turtleneck, William in denim overalls and a henley, and Jocelyn was in a boyish long sleeve t-shirt and cargo sweatpants. Each of them were super cute. They didn't match exactly, but they were definitely a set. And, it irritated me all day. Sure, it was cute, but it seemed cute at the expense of my lovely children's unique personalities. When people look at my kids, I don't want them to see "Patrick and the Triplets", I want them to see Patrick the goofy, Jocelyn the imp, climbing Michael, and laughing William.
Michael, William and Jocelyn are sufficiently different in behaviour, mood, size, coloring, facial features, etc. that those of us who are with them every day were never in serious trouble with identifying them, but the neighbor girl who comes over once a week or so got the boys confused several times.
In the past, I had thought I could make allowances for people who wanted to have the cuteness factor in special pictures, but, after today, I have changed my mind on that. Special pictures tend to be seen by people who don't see you very often and these are the people who most need help in telling the kids apart. And public outings are worse; the kids are actually going to be there to hear if you don't get their names right.
And so, I don't think I'll be repeating this little experiment, but I'm quite glad I actually did it once.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Sleep
Parents of small children who don't sleep well tend to spend a lot of time obsessing about sleep. That would include me. Andy and I seem to have genes that combine to create children who walk early and sleep through the night late. Personally, if given a choice, I would vote for sleep through the night early and walk late, but the universe doesn't give us such choices.
In the early days of sleepless nights, the outside world is forgiving. "They have newborns at home, poor things. No wonder they look exhausted." It's even more so with triplets: "How do they get any sleep at all?" We actually did really well in the early days. We were given a gift of night time help, so we got to sleep through many of the mid-night feedings. Our nights were short and somewhat interrupted, but not completely broken. Then, the gift money ran out before the kids were sleeping through the night and we were on our own for nights. As sleep deprivation mounts, all sorts of things suffer and getting back to sleeping well becomes hugely important.
When infants are sharing a room and waking at night, there is always the question of "will they wake the others?" A certain amount of fussing while they figure out how to go back to sleep is sometimes good for one child, but it becomes a disaster when one baby wakes two babies, who then cry like mad about being woken up. It has taken us some time to find a balance that mostly works. And we are still working on the whole "sleep from bedtime until morning" thing.
On an excellent night, Michael, William and Jocelyn are asleep by 7:00 pm and Patrick is asleep by 7:30. Michael sleeps through until between 6:00 and 6:30 am. Patrick sleeps through until somewhere between 6:30 and 8:00. William and Jocelyn have each slept through until 6:00 or 6:30, but never on the same night. More often, one or both of them wakes and wants a drink of water between 3:30 and 4:30.
On a more typical night, we don't go in to see them any more often than on an excellent night, but Michael wakes and cries out 3-4 times before midnight and William wakes and cries out 3-4 times between midnight and the early morning water. After his early morning water, William often chatters to himself - or to Jocelyn if she will listen - for half an hour or more before going back to sleep.
Because of the concern about one baby waking the other two and the fact that sound doesn't travel well from the nursery to our bedroom, we have had the monitor on and are being woken by the cries that don't need help. It is time to turn the monitor off and trust that we will hear the important cries, and hope that the ones we miss don't turn into all-baby cry-fests. If that works, it will still take time for our bodies to sleep through the times when the babies used to cry.
Turning the monitor off felt like a big deal when Patrick was ready for it. It feels even more frightening now because of the possibility of mass meltdown if we don't wake soon enough. But it has to be tried. Wish us luck.
In the early days of sleepless nights, the outside world is forgiving. "They have newborns at home, poor things. No wonder they look exhausted." It's even more so with triplets: "How do they get any sleep at all?" We actually did really well in the early days. We were given a gift of night time help, so we got to sleep through many of the mid-night feedings. Our nights were short and somewhat interrupted, but not completely broken. Then, the gift money ran out before the kids were sleeping through the night and we were on our own for nights. As sleep deprivation mounts, all sorts of things suffer and getting back to sleeping well becomes hugely important.
When infants are sharing a room and waking at night, there is always the question of "will they wake the others?" A certain amount of fussing while they figure out how to go back to sleep is sometimes good for one child, but it becomes a disaster when one baby wakes two babies, who then cry like mad about being woken up. It has taken us some time to find a balance that mostly works. And we are still working on the whole "sleep from bedtime until morning" thing.
On an excellent night, Michael, William and Jocelyn are asleep by 7:00 pm and Patrick is asleep by 7:30. Michael sleeps through until between 6:00 and 6:30 am. Patrick sleeps through until somewhere between 6:30 and 8:00. William and Jocelyn have each slept through until 6:00 or 6:30, but never on the same night. More often, one or both of them wakes and wants a drink of water between 3:30 and 4:30.
On a more typical night, we don't go in to see them any more often than on an excellent night, but Michael wakes and cries out 3-4 times before midnight and William wakes and cries out 3-4 times between midnight and the early morning water. After his early morning water, William often chatters to himself - or to Jocelyn if she will listen - for half an hour or more before going back to sleep.
Because of the concern about one baby waking the other two and the fact that sound doesn't travel well from the nursery to our bedroom, we have had the monitor on and are being woken by the cries that don't need help. It is time to turn the monitor off and trust that we will hear the important cries, and hope that the ones we miss don't turn into all-baby cry-fests. If that works, it will still take time for our bodies to sleep through the times when the babies used to cry.
Turning the monitor off felt like a big deal when Patrick was ready for it. It feels even more frightening now because of the possibility of mass meltdown if we don't wake soon enough. But it has to be tried. Wish us luck.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I Love You The Best
At the ripe old age of 4 1/2, Patrick is a little vague on superlatives.
When asked to name his favorite colour, for example, he is likely to reply, "Red...and blue...and yellow...and red...and green."
Nevertheless, when I heard him say to Jocelyn, "I love you the best," I thought I needed to address his comment. So, we had a discussion about how Michael and William might have their feelings hurt if they heard him say that to Jocelyn. I told him that it is okay to have a favorite sibling but it is important not to say so.
He absorbed the conversation in his own, inimitable, style. At breakfast this morning, I witnessed the following.
William, Jocelyn, and Michael were sitting in their high chairs eating Mum-Mums while I prepared their cereal. Patrick got down from his seat, walked over to them and said, "I love you the best, William." My heart skipped a beat. Before I could react, he continued, " I love you the best, Jocelyn. I love you the best, Michael." And then, without further ado, he returned to his own seat to finish his toast.
When asked to name his favorite colour, for example, he is likely to reply, "Red...and blue...and yellow...and red...and green."
Nevertheless, when I heard him say to Jocelyn, "I love you the best," I thought I needed to address his comment. So, we had a discussion about how Michael and William might have their feelings hurt if they heard him say that to Jocelyn. I told him that it is okay to have a favorite sibling but it is important not to say so.
He absorbed the conversation in his own, inimitable, style. At breakfast this morning, I witnessed the following.
William, Jocelyn, and Michael were sitting in their high chairs eating Mum-Mums while I prepared their cereal. Patrick got down from his seat, walked over to them and said, "I love you the best, William." My heart skipped a beat. Before I could react, he continued, " I love you the best, Jocelyn. I love you the best, Michael." And then, without further ado, he returned to his own seat to finish his toast.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
First Steps
It seems appropriate to be starting this blog as the babies are starting to walk. For anyone reading this who doesn't know, the babies are Michael, William and Jocelyn and they are 10 months old. Jocelyn starting putting several steps together a couple of weeks ago and the boys have taken their first independent steps this week. And I am taking my first steps into the world of blogging.
I intended to start a blog while I was pregnant as a way to let folks know en masse what is going on with us. But, good intentions don't get you very far in the midst of an international, transcontinental move during a high risk pregnancy. I did actually find a host for a blog and create a web address and name for the blog and then ignored it for a year. So, now I'm trying again. Maybe the fact that we have settled into a home and a sort of routine will allow me to make this work. And, maybe not, but I'm going to give it a shot.
And so, a brief, general description of life as we know it. Things like descriptions of the kids personalities will have to wait for other entries.
Daily life is full.
At 6:30 am, the babies start coming downstairs for the day. Coffee is necessary for everyone over 4 foot tall. Diapers need changing; bottles need making; Patrick needs waking. By 8:30 on a week day, four children have been fed and dressed and Patrick is on his way to school. The kitchen is a disaster: trays, bibs, plates, and floor covered with food; milk, cereal, toast fixings, etc. still on the counter, waiting for Kate to get breakfast when the babies take their morning nap; and coffee cups half-full of cold coffee sitting on random shelves. Andy takes Patrick to school and then heads to work via the local shopping plaza. This is prime time for picking up anything unrefrigerated that is needed at home.
A short nap and some play time for the littlest ones and it is time for lunch. On a good day, the nap is long enough for Kate to get the breakfast mess cleared in time to make the lunch mess.
Patrick comes home for a 15-minute lunch between his morning Montessori school and his afternoon Junior Kindergarten at the local public school. Meanwhile the nanny is feeding the little ones. When Patrick is off at school and the other kids take their afternoon nap, Kate and the nanny attempt to eat lunch, fold laundry, clean the kitchen, wash bottles, prepare food for the evening, run errands, and maybe even get a few moments to rest. Mileage varies with the length of nap.
Patrick finishes school at 3:10. On a warm day, if everyone is awake in time, the two adults load up the triple stroller and walk to get him. After school, play time and homework until 4:30, when the dinner rush begins. By 5:45, four kids have been fed and are being coaxed into pajamas. Final bottles for the little ones and it's bedtime at 6:30. Then, Patrick gets a bedtime routine to himself while the nanny washes bottles and recovers the kitchen after the dinner mess. By 7:30 pm, the kids are in bed and the adults are exhausted and hungry. On a good day, food is ready to eat when Patrick gets to bed. Otherwise, there is still one meal to prepare.
Only Patrick will sleep through the night. At least once, and up to 4 times, between 3:00 and 5:00 am, parental presence is required in the nursery. The period between bedtime and 3:00 am is less predictable, but often involves some parental attention.
In the evenings, Kate and Andy trade off taking care of the household and getting some time to themselves. Andy is taking guitar and skating lessons. Kate has drawing lessons and time at the gym.
Weekends are more full.
Weekends see skating and swimming lessons for Patrick, attempts to get everybody out of the house for a bit, and progress on household projects. The absence of the nanny on the weekends means that some of the daily upkeep of the house is left until Monday morning so that special activities are possible.
The current mission of the adults in the household is preparing for the onslaught of a walking trio. Gates are going up. Furniture is being anchored. Rooms are being designated as appropriate for toys with small pieces. It's all slow going.
It all adds up to two tired adults - with four mostly happy kids.
I intended to start a blog while I was pregnant as a way to let folks know en masse what is going on with us. But, good intentions don't get you very far in the midst of an international, transcontinental move during a high risk pregnancy. I did actually find a host for a blog and create a web address and name for the blog and then ignored it for a year. So, now I'm trying again. Maybe the fact that we have settled into a home and a sort of routine will allow me to make this work. And, maybe not, but I'm going to give it a shot.
And so, a brief, general description of life as we know it. Things like descriptions of the kids personalities will have to wait for other entries.
Daily life is full.
At 6:30 am, the babies start coming downstairs for the day. Coffee is necessary for everyone over 4 foot tall. Diapers need changing; bottles need making; Patrick needs waking. By 8:30 on a week day, four children have been fed and dressed and Patrick is on his way to school. The kitchen is a disaster: trays, bibs, plates, and floor covered with food; milk, cereal, toast fixings, etc. still on the counter, waiting for Kate to get breakfast when the babies take their morning nap; and coffee cups half-full of cold coffee sitting on random shelves. Andy takes Patrick to school and then heads to work via the local shopping plaza. This is prime time for picking up anything unrefrigerated that is needed at home.
A short nap and some play time for the littlest ones and it is time for lunch. On a good day, the nap is long enough for Kate to get the breakfast mess cleared in time to make the lunch mess.
Patrick comes home for a 15-minute lunch between his morning Montessori school and his afternoon Junior Kindergarten at the local public school. Meanwhile the nanny is feeding the little ones. When Patrick is off at school and the other kids take their afternoon nap, Kate and the nanny attempt to eat lunch, fold laundry, clean the kitchen, wash bottles, prepare food for the evening, run errands, and maybe even get a few moments to rest. Mileage varies with the length of nap.
Patrick finishes school at 3:10. On a warm day, if everyone is awake in time, the two adults load up the triple stroller and walk to get him. After school, play time and homework until 4:30, when the dinner rush begins. By 5:45, four kids have been fed and are being coaxed into pajamas. Final bottles for the little ones and it's bedtime at 6:30. Then, Patrick gets a bedtime routine to himself while the nanny washes bottles and recovers the kitchen after the dinner mess. By 7:30 pm, the kids are in bed and the adults are exhausted and hungry. On a good day, food is ready to eat when Patrick gets to bed. Otherwise, there is still one meal to prepare.
Only Patrick will sleep through the night. At least once, and up to 4 times, between 3:00 and 5:00 am, parental presence is required in the nursery. The period between bedtime and 3:00 am is less predictable, but often involves some parental attention.
In the evenings, Kate and Andy trade off taking care of the household and getting some time to themselves. Andy is taking guitar and skating lessons. Kate has drawing lessons and time at the gym.
Weekends are more full.
Weekends see skating and swimming lessons for Patrick, attempts to get everybody out of the house for a bit, and progress on household projects. The absence of the nanny on the weekends means that some of the daily upkeep of the house is left until Monday morning so that special activities are possible.
The current mission of the adults in the household is preparing for the onslaught of a walking trio. Gates are going up. Furniture is being anchored. Rooms are being designated as appropriate for toys with small pieces. It's all slow going.
It all adds up to two tired adults - with four mostly happy kids.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
