A Question of Hands

Patrick is at Zoo Camp this week at the Toronto Zoo. So, at 3:30 every day this week, I have to go to the zoo with the rest of the kids to pick him up. There is nowhere to park close enough to the pickup point for me to feel comfortable leaving three kids in the car, so everybody gets out of the car with me and rides in the Choo-Choo Wagon to get Patrick. And, since they know the zoo, they do not want to turn around and go back to the car once we have met him. So, for this week, after I pick Patrick up, I am taking everybody into the zoo to see a few animals and then have a picnic supper.

I cannot cope with having all four kids running around since none of them are very good at following instructions with me when excited or tired. The only way to keep my kids safe is to have most of the little ones in the wagon for most of the trip. This is ceasing to be acceptable to the little ones, who believe that, at the ripe old age of two, they are capable of anything. My compromise is to let them stand up in the parked wagon to look at some of the animals and to let them get out and push the wagon in very controlled areas of the zoo. Once today, I got into a situation where I thought maybe I had been too adventurous, but a couple of helpful parents in the vicinity meant that nothing ever got dangerous.

This is such a contrast to two weeks ago when Andy's parents were with us. For two weeks, we had one adult per child. Trips to fun places were almost easy. We were able to go to the Ontario Science Centre, which is impossible with one adult and scary with two. We went to two waterfront parks, a beach, and an outdoor swimming pool - all impossible with even two adults. We walked to get ice-cream. We went to Canada Day celebrations and didn't even get the wagon out of the car.

With one adult per child, we can do all the things that I want to do with small children. With two sets of hands, there are new parks we are willing to try, and nature walks we are willing to undertake, but we don't dare try new activities near water or in crowds unless we think everybody will stay in the wagon. And, when it is just me, I am reluctant to try much in the way of new activities.

It really is a question of the number of hands. I can handle a lot of adventures by myself when the kids are in good moods, but if one is overly-exuberant, one is in a bad mood, or anything minor goes wrong, things can get ugly in a hurry. And, with 4 kids in the mix, 3 of them "terrible twos," too many things can go wrong for me to be comfortable taking many risks with adventures outside the house without help.

On Doing Things with The Grandparents

Watch this space.

At the moment, we are busy enjoying having Andy's parents here and doing many things that are not possible without extra grownups. There will be a report in this space within a few days.

Little Things That Feel Big

With one baby, it can be quite easy to get around town and run errands. With a good wrap or sling, you can wear the baby snuggled next to you and still have two hands free. With one toddler, it gets harder, but is still doable. You negotiate when the child walks or is carried or strapped in, but you can change the arrangement at a moment's notice. And, of course, you have to worry about entertainment as a bored toddler is generally an unsafe or unhappy thing.

With triplets, the details just get more complicated.

This week, for instance, I needed to stop at an ATM to get some cash. Not a big deal, you may think, but it gets trickier with three toddlers in tow.

As I was pulling into the parking lot of the strip mall with the bank branch, I decided I would risk having the kids walk with me to the ATM. This would be a first.

Previously, I would have looked for a parking space with a second empty space next to it and used the second space to load them into the stroller. Instead, I found a parking space that would allow us to walk into the bank without crossing the parking lot - a big plus. I opened the rear door of the minivan and made sure that the bag with my wallet was right at the door. I crawled into the back of the van and unbuckled the three children from their seats in the rear row.

I took a deep breath and backed down onto the ground. William, Jocelyn, and Michael are all capable of getting out of the unbuckled seatbelts and getting down to the ground without my help, so I simply prepared to keep them safe once they got out. Jocelyn got out first and I swung the diaper bag over my left shoulder and grabbed Jocelyn's hand with my left hand as she stood outside the car.

William got out next. He grabbed my right hand and jumped out of the car and kept holding my hand as we waited for Michael. Michael crawled carefully out of the car and stood next to William. He then refused to hold William's hand. Since I cannot let him walk in the parking lot without holding hands, I have to find a way to hold his hand while holding hands with Jocelyn and William at the same time.

The solution is for me to spread my fingers and have William hold my thumb and Michael hold my little finger. This makes for interesting walking. The two who are holding on to the same hand have a tendency to walk in circles.

In any case, we slowly made our way to the sidewalk and two doors down to the bank. Jocelyn recognized the button to make the automatic door function, so she pressed the button and we were able to make our way into the building to the ATM. The entry way of the bank has a row of ATMs separated from the main branch by glass walls and another door. As I used the ATM to get cash, the kids pressed up to the glass walls to see inside the bank. There was nobody there, so they didn't actually learn anything about what happens in a bank, but they were fascinated anyway.

The hardest part of the whole trip was gathering everybody up to go back to the car. After trying unsuccessfully to get them to hold my hands inside, I sent them on a mission to use the automatic door. As the door was opening, I told them that they needed to hold my hand to go outside and I was able to convince Michael and Jocelyn to hold my hands and William to hold Jocelyn's hand. This made us very wide walking back to the car, but was actually easier than having everybody hold my hand directly.

After a short walk back to the car, I had to get everybody to stop and touch the car, letting go of my hands so I could open the car door. That worked, and we were very quickly back in the car. I got all three kids into the car and closed the door before getting any of them into seats. On this particular trip, everybody climbed into their seats and we buckled up quickly and were on our way. Sometimes I have to convince people not to sit in the front seats or Patrick's booster seat, but not this time.

All in all, a quick trip, but hardly simple.

On Self-Imposed Deadlines

I tend to be very deadline oriented. I always have been. And so, when I have something I need to do, I set a deadline and then work backwards to figure out how much progress I need to make in advance to get things done in time.

At least, that's the theory.

In practice, I am not as good at figuring out how far in advance I need to start things as I used to be. I just don't figure in enough time for the things that come up with 4 kids. It isn't that anything particularly surprising happens, but things always take more time than I anticipate.

Also, I am much better with hard deadlines, like filing my taxes, than I am with self-imposed deadlines, like posting my monthly blog entries. So, I got my taxes filed in April, but I didn't actually get this entry posted in April, the post date notwithstanding.

It has been a busy month, but that's no excuse. I just gave myself permission to let this one slip in order to take care of myself and my kids. I expect to be back on track in May.

Not My Favourite Vacation

Travel with four children under 6 is a challenge. But, we do take a few road trips each year to stay at my parents' house in upstate New York. For Patrick's March break this year, we decided to change things up a bit. My parents also have a house in Maryland, and we decided to trek further South to visit them there.

We have a good travel routine for the 6-hour journey to New York, so we decided to use the same basic routine two days in a row to go the additional 6-hours South to Maryland. We like to set off after an early dinner and hope that the kids fall asleep at a reasonable time. So, our plans were: drive to the house in New York on Friday night, continue on to Maryland on Saturday night and return with the same schedule the following weekend. My mother was already in Maryland, but my father would meet us in the middle and drive down with us on Saturday.

Packing for Andy, Patrick and myself is easy. We set things aside over the two or three days before a trip and are ready to go the morning of the trip. Packing for William, Jocelyn, and Michael is hard. A lot of what they need on the journey are things they use every day: security blankets, sippy cups, bedding, favorite toys and books, and that sort of thing.

Throughout the day of our departure, packing occurs as possible. When the kids have finished using something, it gets added to the pile - usually in a random bag, and often still needing to be washed. We order pizza for dinner and one adult works on packing the car while the other feeds the kids. At this point, Patrick is anxious to be on the road and the little ones have realized something is up and just want their normal bedtime routine. As soon as dinner is finished, the kids get packed into the car. Michael, William, and Jocelyn need to be in the car before we can finish putting the bags in because of the location of cargo space - the rear of the vehicle being entirely full with a triple stroller and various small bags in the spaces around the stroller. Once the kids are in, Andy and I run around the house and attempt to get the garbage out, the lights off, the heating turned down, and all the other last minute things that need to happen before leaving town. This time, one of our neighbors came over and helped out with the kids. Her help enabled us to get on the road at least 45 minutes earlier than if we had been on our own.

Patrick is always a trouper at this point. He knows that if he behaves, he will be allowed to watch a movie on the portable DVD-player before he is expected to sleep. For this vacation, he was given a new movie - an animated version of Roald Dahl's The BFG - and he was excited to watch it. (He ended up watching it on three of the four long car drives.)

For this drive, things were smooth. The border crossing was quick and easy. We stopped at our usual rest area to switch drivers and use the facilities. Jocelyn and William fell asleep early. Patrick fell asleep quickly after his movie. Michael didn't get enough sleep, but he was quiet. We arrived at our destination in good time. My mother and father had set up beds for all the kids in their usual rooms, so everything was set for going to bed upon arrival. Patrick slipped downstairs to his bedroom as soon as we arrived - hardly noticing the transition. The younger set had a quick run around when we unloaded the car and fell back to sleep quickly.

The next morning started ominously, with the two youngest boys climbing out of their travel cribs. The house in Maryland had never seen the triplets and Andy and I worried for the safety of the house and the kids. Nevertheless, we had an excellent day of rest - visiting my aunt and uncle on their new farm. Patrick was particularly pleased as he got a fabulous ride on their new ATV and saw bats.

We changed our minds about our travel plans and set off mid-afternoon with plans to stop for supper. During the little one's nap, the adults furiously packed up food, gates, and toys. The beds were packed up during the post-nap snack. We set off in two fully laden cars. Patrick rode the first leg of the journey with his grandfather and then moved into the family car after dinner. Stopping for dinner sounded good in theory, but the little ones were too excited to eat properly, so we had hungry toddlers later. My father headed off to Maryland, expecting to drive faster than us, with the travel beds for the four kids in his car. He did arrive before us and he and my mother set the beds up for the kids. Patrick had a little alcove next to our room and the little ones were in a room downstairs. So far, so good. Patrick went up to bed without trouble and the others were reluctantly put into their cribs for the night.

And then, William and Michael climbed out of their travel cribs. Jocelyn watched, learned, and joined them. Much later that same evening, they eventually fell asleep. We had taken the mattresses out of the cribs and created a pen around them into which we put the children one at a time, each one waiting until the previous one was asleep. When they were finally all asleep, Andy and I headed up to bed, exhausted. We were woken early in the morning by Patrick who had thrown up, and proceeded to be throw up again later in the morning.

So, we woke the following morning with one sick child - luckily, no longer vomiting - and three toddlers who could not be counted on to be safely contained at bedtime. We had a mellow day at home to help Patrick rest and busied ourselves making the downstairs room safe for climbing children. By the evening, we felt ready to face putting the little ones to bed in the now-safer room and Patrick was clearly weak but better.

And then, within minutes of each other, Jocelyn and William threw up - and continued to throw up for hours. When things seemed to have slowed down, all the kids beds were moved. The cribs were taken upstairs to be in with Andy and me, and Patrick's bed was taken downstairs. Michael went to sleep easily in his crib, and the other two slept some. There was more vomiting and Andy and I took turns with sick children in the bathroom. Shortly after 2 am, Michael joined the party and was sick as well. By this time, Andy and I were in the alcove between our room and the bathroom on the floor with the three toddlers, not wanting to move any further from the bathroom. The kids piled on the grown-ups and we all eventually fell asleep on the floor for a few hours of the best sleep of the night.

The following day, my mother came down with the bug, but the kids stopped throwing up. Jocelyn was extremely weak and William was hardly any better. Patrick was recovering, and Michael was acting as though nothing was really out of sorts. That night saw Andy sleeping on the bathroom floor by himself as he came down with it. The following night, it was my turn. One blessing: the heat was on the fritz and our room was incredibly hot, so the cool bathroom was actually the most comfortable temperature for sleeping. All in all, it was a mess. The one good thing about the little ones being sick is that they didn't bother climbing out of their cribs again.

By Thursday, everybody was in good enough shape that we were able to get to a local playground during the day and headed into Virginia to see some old friends for dinner. The one hiccup on the drive to Virginia was that my mother was not back from work yet and she had taken the car with Patrick's booster seat with her. So, we stopped at Toys R Us on the way out of town to buy a booster seat for Patrick. At Toys R Us, the backless booster seats were hiding and I had to ask Customer Service to help me find them. It was a pain, but we managed it and still got to our friends' house in good time.

Friday was a good day - another trip to the playground - but once again, full of packing. This time, my mother had taken a half-full car to the Metro station before she headed into D.C. for a meeting. She would head up to the New York house from there. Among the things she had was Patrick's bed. My father would carry the safety gates and the cribs. Andy and I took the kids and the rest of our things and would stop for supper on the way. My father left half an hour or so after us and finished cleaning up the house before coming out. My father drives faster than we do and stops less, so the expectation was that he would arrive in plenty of time to get the kids beds set up. As it was, my mother had awful traffic, my father got lost, and we made decent time. My father arrived with time to set up the cribs.

My mother was not there before us, so Patrick had no bed to slip into. But, she arrived within half an hour of us and the first thing we did was get Patrick to bed. In the morning, Patrick had no recollection of coming in from the car and being ushered to the sofa, where he lay down and slept until my mother arrived and the aerobed was inflated for him. He also had no memory of walking clumsily down the spiral staircase to get into bed.

On Saturday, we took a lovely walk in the woods and packed for the journey back to Toronto. We got on the road in good time after an early supper. Things looked good until we got into Buffalo. We just barely saw a sign that told us of a 1-2 hour wait at the Canadian border at the bridge we usually use. Luckily, we managed to figure out the route to a different bridge with a 0-30 minute advertised wait before the turnoff that committed us to the usual bridge. Andy, working with the map and the GPS navigation system, got us to the Fort Erie Bridge without trouble. And then began the wait at Customs, where I managed to pick the worst lane by about a 30-minute margin. There was trouble with the traffic pattern ahead of us and at least half a dozen cars weren't really in a lane and needed to merge into our lane. After Customs, there was another wait to get through the toll plaza for the bridge. Even so, we were through the back-up in less than the hour or more being advertised at the Lewiston bridge, so we were happy.

The rest of the journey was uneventful and the kids all went to bed pretty easily once we got home. It wasn't until the following night that William, and Michael took the experience they gained climbing out of the travel cribs and turned it into motivation to climb out of the full-size cribs at home. And so, a new adventure began as we started the process of getting them to sleep in proper beds.

We had a couple of good days in there, and it was nice to have my parents around when Andy and I got sick, but I have to say it was a vacation I would rather not repeat.

Learning To Love the Snow

When we moved from California, Patrick was 3. He had seen snow, but not had much experience with it. It didn't take him long to turn his fascination with this new kind of weather into true enthusiasm. He quickly realized that snow is wet and cold and worth dressing appropriately for. It was much harder to convince him that a clear, sunny fall or winter day without snow could be cold enough to require a winter coat, hat and gloves. Now, in the midst of our third winter in Ontario, he is an old hand at dressing for the weather and usually does a fine job. He loves to sled, skate, and make snowmen, snow forts, and snow angels. This year, we have had deep, soft snow and he has enjoyed simply trudging through it. Teaching Michael, William and Jocelyn about winter weather and the fun that snow can be has been more challenging.

Last winter we hardly had them out in the snow at all. For one thing, they couldn't yet walk, so they had no way of generating extra body heat through exercise. They got brief excursions between the car and various buildings and they saw winter through the window, and that was about it.

At the beginning of this winter, we had a few days with light flurries and no accumulation. I made a point of getting the kids outside to feel the snow on their faces. They were enthusiastic about the new experience as long as I didn't let them get cold.

The first day that there was an significant snow on the ground, Andy and I bundled them up in snowsuits and took them outside. It took a good 20 minutes to get them all into their outdoor gear. Gloves and hats were removed several times, boots were resisted and the snowsuits were a struggle. Once they were finally dressed, we opened the door and let them out. They stood inside for some time, unsure of how to proceed. Eventually, they braved the new environment. William and Jocelyn had an easier time walking than Michael, who tripped every time he tried to move. Jocelyn and William managed to move around enough to get frustrated that they couldn't run and climb. After just a few minutes, each of them had fallen, gotten snow inside their mittens and started crying to come inside. Half an hour after beginning the adventure, we were back inside and undressed.

Shortly afterward, they were given fleece buntings that are easier to walk in than the snowsuits, but not as warm. The first successful adventure into the snow was in the buntings in warm weather. It was just 10 minutes or so in the front yard, but they actually enjoyed walking around and watching their big brother run and fall in the snow.

By now, they are comfortable walking in their snow suits, but don't like the cold. On the few warm days that we have had, they have really enjoyed being outside. Walking in boots has become a favorite activity inside, so they are now quite good at running in boots when they aren't in snowsuits.

If the snow gets deep enough, it is hard to walk in. 4 inches is about what my kids can handle. And we have had a lot more snow than that most of the winter. So, unless the snow is well packed, they like to stand on shoveled surfaces and kick at the snow piles.

We haven't ventured far in the snowy outdoors. It is too easy for a fun time to become miserable when somebody gets cold. But, it is a beginning. By next year, we should be ready to try sledding on the local hill as long as the weather isn't too terribly cold.

It Gets Easier; It Gets Harder

There is a saying among some triplet families that the hardest ages are "the first six months and the age you are at now." I think that is overly simplistic, but it has a grain of truth to it. Each developmental stage is different and each parent has some stages which seem easier than others. Because I have an older child, I have seen the different ages before, so nothing is entirely new. However, the developmental stages manifest differently in each child, so I am always learning.

The first six months are incredibly difficult. Three infants simply require a lot of hands on care. They eat often, sleep often, and need to be changed often. They are not yet on reliable schedules. They probably don't sleep through the night. They can do nothing for themselves. In our case, add the challenge of finding time for an older child who has gone from the only child to the one most capable of fending for himself. Simply to survive is an achievement.

As they get older, all children learn to do more for themselves, go through different stages of development and need different forms of teaching. The transition from compliant baby happy to just play with a few toys and people into a curious, independent toddler who wants to do everything now is challenging with one child. With three, it gets a whole new level of complexity.

With Patrick, I had the time and energy to work with him to reduce his frustration as much as possible. My whole world revolved around entertaining, distracting, and teaching him. He was strong-willed, fiercely independent, and demanding, but I had the energy and attention to meet him where he was. We had our share of tantrums and struggles, but we had a lot of fun as well. With three children going through this developmental transition at the same time, the challenges are different. And so are the joyful moments.

Because they are used to being together, Michael, Jocelyn and William play together remarkably well. Most children under 2 do not play "together." At this age, playing alongside each other is the most that is expected of kids. William, Jocelyn and Michael will play peek-a-boo, chasing games, and tickling games with each other, and they are learning to take turns. Also, because they have been forced to spend much of their lives entertaining themselves while all the grown-ups are busy, they are very good at playing on their own. For long periods, they can play wonderfully without any adult intervention.

However, when things get rough, they get very rough, very fast. Biting is common. Hitting, kicking and hair pulling are not uncommon. Screaming is common, and when one starts, often they all start.

This is an age where children need Mummy tremendously when they need her, and there is not a lot of room for sharing her when the need is greatest. I have been known to spend an hour picking up and comforting one child only to have them let loose when I pick up a second upset child, and then to have the third little one become upset because the noise is too much - at which point, Patrick usually needs something and screams loudly to get his needs met, too.

Because I now have 4 children who are asking for what they want and testing my limits, there are moments when the simplest practical task is hard. And yet, when they play well together, or hold each other's hands when crossing the street, life is much easier than it was a few months ago.

I have no illusions. I expect that there will be things that get harder and things that get easier forever. I know that the limit pushing of 3 almost 2-year olds is likely to be less vigourous than that of 3 almost 3-year olds. I know that the demands of 3 5-year olds and a 9-year old who want to do different things will be hard to manage. And yet, I also believe that as they get older, there will be times when they play well together, help out around the house and otherwise make life fun and easier as a family.

I only hope that I can enjoy the good moments and not worry too much about the challenges.